Tell him that there is an exclusive one night only sale on sweat pants at Dolce & Gabbanna from 7 to 10 on Wednesday night.
Pay the Caps equipment manager to put a coat of black spray paint over his tinted visor
Tell him that the ice tastes like Stoli Razz.
When he isn't looking, tether him to the bench with the excess string from his makeshift skate lace belt.
Instead of dressing Matt Lashoff, have an attractive Russian model suit up and be the 6th defenseman in an effort to distract him.
Have Marc Savard let all his teammates borrow his bright yellow laces, which will cause mass confusion for Ovechkin's teammates who will be looking for AO's Rainbow Bright laces.
Tell him that he has been chosen to be a contestant on game show that is being filmed Wednesday night.
Tell him that Russian pop star Vlad Topalov needs him to be a backup dancer for a special one night only benefit concert to raise money for Russian orphans.
Tell him that the U.S. government has annexed his D.C. home to house one of Barack Obama's new cabinet members.
Tell him that Caps owner Ted Leonsis has sold him to the Tampa Bay Lightning in order to finance his latest "American Movie" project entitled "Kicking It 2: Shoeless Pele".