85 Reasons to Hate the Canadiens
by Stanley Cup of Chowder on Dec 3, 2009 10:57 PM EST
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PrintThe Bruins will be in Montreal tomorrow night to face-off against the Canadiens. The Habs will be celebrating their 100th anniversary tomorrow night, which is weird because they have been milking this 100th season thing for 2 years now. Instead of doing my typical game preview, I thought I would do something completely unoriginal and hacky different. TSN recently came up with a list of 100 reasons to love the Canadiens, so I decidedly to come up with a rebuttal. The following are 85 reasons to hate the Montreal Canadiens (in no particular order) to celebrate 85 years of Bruins hockey.
1. Almost all of their Stanley Cup wins were a direct result of an unfair player allocation system
2. 2008
3. 2004
4. 2002
5. 1989
6. 1987
7. 1986
8. 1985
9. 1984
10. 1979
11. 1978
12. 1977
13. 1971
14. 1969
15. 1968
16. 1958
17. 1957
18. 1955
19. 1954
20. 1953
21. 1952
22. 1947
23. 1946
24. 1931
25. 1930
26. Their lame fans that flood the streets of Boston
27. Their fans celebrated a first round win over an 8 seed by setting their own city's police cars on fire
28. One of their greatest players ever has a nickname that sounds like a sex toy
29. One of their former "coaching masterminds" can't even read a children's book
30. Their fans are living in the past.
31. Ken Dryden F__ that guy!
32. Patrick Roy Just a poor man's Marty Brodeur
33. They are a bunch of purse snatchers
34. They have better diving form than Rodney Rangerfield in "Back to School"
35. Guy LaFleur His son is a creep and the old man isn't much better
36. Ole! Ole! Ole! Ah how cute. You got a little song you sing.
37. I feel guilty every time I order a Molson
38. Who calls for a stick measurement in the Stanley Cup Finals?
39. Their dumb fans that would rather have a team of French Canadians than a competitive team
40. Their jailbird throwback jerseys
41. I hate any team that has a Gionta on it
42. The Habs couldn't give the B's much of a series last year and I think it hurt the B's in Round 2
43. They love to play chippy, but rarely answer the bell
44. Maxim Lapierre's gutless late hit on #81 last year
45. Mike Komisarek's eye gouge on Matt Hunwick
46. George Laraque's idle threats
47. They are the NHL team of choice for Vermont's dirty hippies
48. Most of their forwards aren't tall enough to ride most of the rides at the amusement park
49. Their fans think it is classy to boo the American national anthem
50. They undeservedly got a bunch of their players in the All-Star Game last year.
51. To quote Bill Burr: "their silly little fans who act like they live in Paris even though you can see the place from Vermont"
52. Celine Dion almost bought the team and nobody in Montreal seemed to be embarrassed about this
53. Habs fans boo Chara every time he touches the puck and even the most die hard Habs fan couldn't tell you why.
54. I need to use a passport and my poor high school French to see them play in Montreal
55.
56. They used to employ Mike Ribiero (Timmy's pick)
57. They used to employ Shayne Corson (Timmy's pick)
58. Ryan O'Byrne's turtle move
59. Claude Lemieux gutless puke
60.
61. Guy Carbonneau looks like a movie villain
62. They won the majority of their Stanley Cups in the Original 6 era
63. They thought Hal Gill was a solid off-season pick-up
64. "Too Many Men on The Ice"
65. Red, White, and Blue used to respectable colors
66. The Habs 164 different retro jerseys they have used to commemorate
67. This has been the longest "year" ever
68. Youppi That thing is just flat out creepy
69. They are owned by a Brewery, but they can't figure out how to control their team like Doug and Bob McKenzie in "Strange Brew"
70. They hate Michael Ryder
71. They are the only team to get Patrice Bergeron to drop the gloves
72. They cut Mr. Kathryn Tappen
73. Carey Price's haircut
74. Kovalev faking an injury in the 2004 playoffs
75.
76. 1 beer per person limits at The Garden for B's-Habs games
77.
78. The Habs went to a Christian retreat called "Teen Ranch" for team bonding
79. This Guy who took his wife's name and wears a personalized Habs jersey with his new last name on it.
81. Tom Kostopoulos' flying elbow
82.
83. Glen Metropolit used to be a guy you could root for
84. No matter where the B's finish they always seem to draw the Habs
85. Because they are the Habs. You are supposed to hate them.
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I presume you want to get to 100, SCOC.
87. Maurice Richard was one of the dirtiest, most over-entitled players of his generation. (kind of makes the present make more sense, eh?)
88. The children born the last time they won a Cup are now old enough to drive the cars they burn when they lose playoff series.
89. They actually believe they have a culture superior to France’s. Which is two lies for the price of one.
90. Their present goalie savior not only thinks smoking is cool, but apparently likes to bum them off of his 16 year old girlfriends.
91. They tried to introduce Habs cheerleaders to home games, but they all got busted in a massive strip joint raid.
I am Mikhail Grabovski's smirking revenge.
No, no. It’s 85 for the years of the best franchise in the NHL. 1924-2009.
That said, good list. Point, though: the one-beer limit was only in 2008 after a bunch of fights broke out in the first game or so. Then they dropped it in the playoffs.
Join me on the Hockey Blog Adventure! (or Twitter.) GO BRUINS! (and Wild!)
by Cornelius Hardenbergh on Dec 4, 2009 12:11 AM EST up reply actions
At any rate, given PPP and SCOC’s participation, we could get this to 2 or 300 easy. :)
I am Mikhail Grabovski's smirking revenge.
I’m sure we could. I was going to come up with more, but the youtube in number 77 is, uh…. really something else. I mean, DAMN.
hahaha “Will latendresse score 20 goals?” hahahha, maybe for the Wild!
Join me on the Hockey Blog Adventure! (or Twitter.) GO BRUINS! (and Wild!)
by Cornelius Hardenbergh on Dec 4, 2009 12:25 AM EST up reply actions
Watching this video for the 5th time at least.
O!eyyy
Join me on the Hockey Blog Adventure! (or Twitter.) GO BRUINS! (and Wild!)
by Cornelius Hardenbergh on Dec 4, 2009 1:04 AM EST up reply actions
Ya I was gunna say this season I was buying 2 beers at a time all night
by Dangles-McDonnybrook on Dec 4, 2009 5:27 PM EST up reply actions
I was going for 100 then got lazy and thought up the 85 years gimmick
by Stanley Cup of Chowder on Dec 4, 2009 5:35 PM EST up reply actions
shhhh
Join me on the Hockey Blog Adventure! (or Twitter.) GO BRUINS! (and Wild!)
by Cornelius Hardenbergh on Dec 4, 2009 6:41 PM EST up reply actions
42. The Habs couldn’t give the B’s much of a series last year and I think it hurt the B’s in Round 2
I’ve always preferred a short, easy series in the first round. The Stanley Cup playoffs are a huge grind. You want the easiest path there.
Number 79 is pretty terrible. I’m embarrassed for that guy. What would Roissy say?
I think I feel worse for the woman that married him.
Join me on the Hockey Blog Adventure! (or Twitter.) GO BRUINS! (and Wild!)
by Cornelius Hardenbergh on Dec 4, 2009 1:16 AM EST up reply actions
Great list… I would be lying if I said that I didnt respect your level of hate. :-)
38. Who calls for a stick measurement in the Stanley Cup Finals?
You could have ended it right here. Only my anger towards McSorley clouds my disgust towards the Habs for the ridiculous move.
View From My Seats
Sarcasm: God's gift to smart people...
92. The Candiens and their fans think that the organization is somehow bigger than hockey and that the team is, by divine right, the center of attention and reverence of all the league. At the name of Richard, every knee must bend and every head must bow. All North Americans should be compelled to don a Habs jersey on Guy LaFleur’s birthday. The Hockey Hall of Fame should be in the old Forum and be entirely Francophone, and consist solely of Canadiens players (Laraque to be inducted upon retiring). And, of course, all Canadiens home games may be postponed up to an hour at any given time based on the organization’s discretion in order to properly celebrate the history of the Glorious Franchise with celebratory rituals and sacrifices.
In the name of the Rocket, the Flower, and the Holy Beliveau. Ole.
SB Nation looks down on that sort of thing and honestly, I think it is kind of weak and unoriginal too.
by Stanley Cup of Chowder on Dec 4, 2009 5:38 PM EST up reply actions
It’s my least favorite chant by a mile.
Join me on the Hockey Blog Adventure! (or Twitter.) GO BRUINS! (and Wild!)
by Cornelius Hardenbergh on Dec 4, 2009 6:40 PM EST up reply actions
i'd rather pour a bucket of vomit over my head
then ever watch #55 again.
please take that down.
I.M. Forme
"When you get yourself into trouble is when you feel you have to do something, and then you get yourself in trouble." --Omar Minaya
The Canadiens have no talent hacks using new shitty lyrics and butchering great songs…..we have the Dropkick Murphy’s with Time to Go….
by Dangles-McDonnybrook on Dec 4, 2009 5:30 PM EST reply actions
32. Patrick Roy Just a poor man's Marty Brodeur
I know eh?
Space Weed Says Telling it like it is without a care about the mainstream's feelings
"DO NOT get stuck behind Kyle Wellwood in the buffet line. This isn't really etiquette, but it will prevent you from starving to death"- Down Goes Brown on Etiquette for Jason Spezza's wedding
by Kevin Sellathamby on Dec 4, 2009 6:15 PM EST reply actions
Personally I prefer Roy, but that has everything to do with him being crazier ( <3 Crazy Goalies <3 ) and Ray Bourque.
Join me on the Hockey Blog Adventure! (or Twitter.) GO BRUINS! (and Wild!)
by Cornelius Hardenbergh on Dec 4, 2009 6:43 PM EST up reply actions
I can understand the part about Borque
Space Weed Says Telling it like it is without a care about the mainstream's feelings
"DO NOT get stuck behind Kyle Wellwood in the buffet line. This isn't really etiquette, but it will prevent you from starving to death"- Down Goes Brown on Etiquette for Jason Spezza's wedding
by Kevin Sellathamby on Dec 4, 2009 6:55 PM EST up reply actions
And after 22 years…
Join me on the Hockey Blog Adventure! (or Twitter.) GO BRUINS! (and Wild!)
by Cornelius Hardenbergh on Dec 4, 2009 7:06 PM EST up reply actions
41. I hate any team that has a Gionta on it
Also, this is awesome
Space Weed Says Telling it like it is without a care about the mainstream's feelings
"DO NOT get stuck behind Kyle Wellwood in the buffet line. This isn't really etiquette, but it will prevent you from starving to death"- Down Goes Brown on Etiquette for Jason Spezza's wedding
by Kevin Sellathamby on Dec 4, 2009 7:20 PM EST up reply actions
Typical Bruins
What a birthday party! Finishing off the first 100 years the same way they spent most of it: Spanking the Bruins. Way to go Habs!
Admit, you envy us, you wannabes.
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