85 Reasons to Hate the Canadiens

The Bruins will be in Montreal tomorrow night to face-off against the Canadiens. The Habs will be celebrating their 100th anniversary tomorrow night, which is weird because they have been milking this 100th season thing for 2 years now. Instead of doing my typical game preview, I thought I would do something completely unoriginal and hacky different. TSN recently came up with a list of 100 reasons to love the Canadiens, so I decidedly to come up with a rebuttal. The following are 85 reasons to hate the Montreal Canadiens (in no particular order) to celebrate 85 years of Bruins hockey.

1. Almost all of their Stanley Cup wins were a direct result of an unfair player allocation system

2. 2008

3. 2004

4. 2002

5. 1989

6. 1987

7. 1986

8. 1985

9. 1984

10. 1979

11. 1978

12. 1977

13. 1971

14. 1969

15. 1968

16. 1958

17. 1957

18. 1955

19. 1954

20. 1953

21. 1952

22. 1947

23. 1946

24. 1931

25. 1930

26. Their lame fans that flood the streets of Boston

27. Their fans celebrated a first round win over an 8 seed by setting their own city's police cars on fire

28. One of their greatest players ever has a nickname that sounds like a sex toy

29. One of their former "coaching masterminds" can't even read a children's book

30. Their fans are living in the past.

31. Ken Dryden F__ that guy!

32. Patrick Roy Just a poor man's Marty Brodeur

33. They are a bunch of purse snatchers

34. They have better diving form than Rodney Rangerfield in "Back to School"

35. Guy LaFleur His son is a creep and the old man isn't much better

36. Ole! Ole! Ole! Ah how cute. You got a little song you sing.

37. I feel guilty every time I order a Molson

38. Who calls for a stick measurement in the Stanley Cup Finals?

39. Their dumb fans that would rather have a team of French Canadians than a competitive team

40. Their jailbird throwback jerseys

41. I hate any team that has a Gionta on it

42. The Habs couldn't give the B's much of a series last year and I think it hurt the B's in Round 2

43. They love to play chippy, but rarely answer the bell

44. Maxim Lapierre's gutless late hit on #81 last year

45. Mike Komisarek's eye gouge on Matt Hunwick

46. George Laraque's idle threats

47. They are the NHL team of choice for Vermont's dirty hippies

48. Most of their forwards aren't tall enough to ride most of the rides at the amusement park

49. Their fans think it is classy to boo the American national anthem

50. They undeservedly got a bunch of their players in the All-Star Game last year.

51. To quote Bill Burr: "their silly little fans who act like they live in Paris even though you can see the place from Vermont"

52. Celine Dion almost bought the team and nobody in Montreal seemed to be embarrassed about this

53. Habs fans boo Chara every time he touches the puck and even the most die hard Habs fan couldn't tell you why.

54. I need to use a passport and my poor high school French to see them play in Montreal

55.



56. They used to employ Mike Ribiero (Timmy's pick)

57. They used to employ Shayne Corson (Timmy's pick)

58. Ryan O'Byrne's turtle move

59. Claude Lemieux gutless puke

60.

 

61. Guy Carbonneau looks like a movie villain

62. They won the majority of their Stanley Cups in the Original 6 era

63. They thought Hal Gill was a solid off-season pick-up

64. "Too Many Men on The Ice"

65. Red, White, and Blue used to respectable colors

66. The Habs 164 different retro jerseys they have used to commemorate

67. This has been the longest "year" ever

68. Youppi That thing is just flat out creepy

69. They are owned by a Brewery, but they can't figure out how to control their team like Doug and Bob McKenzie in "Strange Brew"

 

70. They hate Michael Ryder

71. They are the only team to get Patrice Bergeron to drop the gloves

72. They cut Mr. Kathryn Tappen

73. Carey Price's haircut

74. Kovalev faking an injury in the 2004 playoffs

75.


 

76. 1 beer per person limits at The Garden for B's-Habs games

77.

 

78. The Habs went to a Christian retreat called "Teen Ranch" for team bonding

79. This Guy who took his wife's name and wears a personalized Habs jersey with his new last name on it.

80. Their confused fans

81. Tom Kostopoulos' flying elbow

82.

 

83. Glen Metropolit used to be a guy you could root for

84. No matter where the B's finish they always seem to draw the Habs

85. Because they are the Habs. You are supposed to hate them.

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