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It's Festivus, so here's an Airing of Hockey Grievances


To be honest, I never cared for Seinfeld.  It was funny at times, but I was both too young for it, and found the characters mostly unappealing.  But the whole Festivus thing has become a much wider part of popular culture, and despite being a practicing Catholic who probably should be mildly offended at the mocking of a holiday, I find myself at work on a miserably snowy morning with not much to do. So, stealing from PPP and Airing some Grievances should make me feel better and burn some time.  Off we go!

Star-divide

  • To Jeremy Jacobs - Charging $32 a pop for back-of-the-house nosebleeds in the B's shoot once end.  That'd get you between the benches seats, all you can eat nachos, and a personal photo-op with Shane Doan (where he, by contract, must present a Doanface)  in Phoenix.
  • To Andrew Ference - You Granola Munching Hippie.  That (or the abbreviation, YGMH) is your nickname from now on. 
  • To the NHLPA - Donald Fehr?  Seriously?  Really?  Because NCAA hockey will mean more than your league if you lock out again. 
  • To Electronic Arts - For not updating their Garden model in NHL 11.  Paul Mara played on the team when the B's last had that old Trinitron hanging from the rafters. Hell, I'm suprised there's no ads for Lechmere and Nynex on the boards.  Oh, and thanks for the Whalers jerseys, but why can't I make a custom team named the Whalers?  And where's Hockey East?  And a properly rendered Worcester Centrum DCU Center?
  • To the P-Bruins - No Saturday night games, making it difficult for me to use up my flex tickets.  Also, for sucking.  And for not playing the CT Whale on a night I can make it.
  • To Versus - OH MY GOD your video quality sucks. The Ducks game looked worse than a NESN "Bruins Classics" airing.  And what's so depressing is that the video and presentation of your IndyCar broadcasts is brilliant!  Give us that.  And no more Joe Beninati.
  • To NBC - More Milbury, less McGuire.  Actually, more Milbury berating McGuire.  That will work.
  • To NHL Network - I want my HNIC doubleheader - show the second damn game!
  • To the Anaheim Ducks - Get someone, anyone, with some talent in fashion and graphic design.  I mean, dear God, my eyes!
  • To Winnipeg and Quebec - Listen, we all miss the Jets and Nordiques.  And I know I harp about bringing back the Whalers on a regular basis.  But that does not mean you get to torture fans in Phoenix and Atlanta.  If they move, they move, but don't be stunned when they move to one of about 6 or 7 American markets that have twice as many people.  And yes, that includes Hartford.
  • To Reebok - You do not have enough NHL stuff at your outlet store in Randolph.  Fix this!
  • And to Habs fans - For being Habs fans.

Ladies and gentlemen, feel free to air away!

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Awesome post, I dont’ think the NHL can afford to have another work stoppage.

by Eric B on Dec 23, 2010 12:35 PM EST reply actions  

Good Post! I’ll give it a try!
To Everybody that wants Julien Fired – Calm down, He probably won’t survive another ten game losing streak, but I think he’s done a pretty good job and deserves the chance to see what he can do with a healthy team for a long stretch.
To Blake Wheeler – That first period against Washington was probably the best period of your career. Play like that everynight and I’ll run for President of your fan club. You went from First Star to an afterthought in 40 minutes. You are driving me crazy. Watch that first period video again and again and again and again!
To Claude Julien – Use your power of healthy scratch to send a message to someone other than an 18 kid. For Instance Blake Wheeler – whenever he doesn’t play like he did in the First period against Washington.
To Cam Neeely – For not kicking Blake Wheelers ass up and down Causway street whenever he doesn’t play like he did in the first period against Washington.
To Mr Jacobs – For not threatening to make Blake Wheeler an overpaid hot dog vendor whenever he doesn’t play like he did in the first period against Washington.
To the guy that plays defence on my hockey team- Stop whining to the ref, stop bitching at every hack you take, stop saying load it up on the PP in the first period, just shut up and play hockey, preferably like Blake Wheeler did in the first period against Washington!

I think I like Festivus!

by SkateHitShoot on Dec 23, 2010 1:41 PM EST reply actions  

To the guy that plays defence on my hockey team- Stop whining to the ref, stop bitching at every hack you take, stop saying load it up on the PP in the first period, just shut up and play hockey, preferably like Blake Wheeler did in the first period against Washington!

Haha, every league has this dude.

by Stanley Cup of Chowder on Dec 23, 2010 3:30 PM EST up reply actions  

I'll try.

To HBO: Thanks for the Penguins/Caps 24-7. That shit is awesome.

To CJ: Take your fucking shoe off and start beating your players. You will be fired in a week if you don’t.

To Thorny: You’re about the only “character” guy in the room with enough grit and resume material to start calling out people. Do it! Your coach isn’t!

To PPP: In general, stop whining you whiney bitches.

Which B's team is this?

by eyebob on Dec 23, 2010 1:51 PM EST reply actions  

I like the idea. I have one edit to make.

To every network that uses Milbury: Less Milbury. Better yet, no Milbury. Ever.

To Milbury: Go die in a small crawl space.

The guy is Peter Schumpmaker. Lord knows what a schump is, but you can bet your bippy his ancestors made them. What he's doing is far worse than crafting fine schumps.

by Steckel Me Elmo on Dec 24, 2010 10:30 AM EST reply actions  

Habs

Do you know why you hate the habs and habs fans ? I’ll give you 23 reasons…. all Stanley Cup reasons. Cry babies.. every Bruin and Bruin fan. The only thing worst then a whinning Bruin fan is a Leaf fan.

by Lance13 on Dec 25, 2010 10:14 PM EST reply actions  

You still have not joined Habs Eyes on the Prize, I see.

by 13_Legion on Dec 28, 2010 12:00 PM EST up reply actions  

ps the oilers too

theyre team was good for 8 years. and milbury yelling at pierre is awesome

by muffinman on Jan 11, 2011 5:31 PM EST reply actions  

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