Bruins-Canadiens Game 2 Drunken Diary

Just another night in the Man Cave.

Game 2, live from the Man Cave, with my friends Adam, Ron and Lan dropping by.  We've got enough beer to drown a water buffalo, and enough Jameson to set the corpse alight.  We've got 2 TVs and no waiting, so with all necessary apologies to Bill Simmons, here we go...

6:30 – big decision: what jersey to wear?  After deliberation, I opt for the old school #77.

6:55 – Adam arrives.  We ring it in with a shot of Jameson.  We are going all stereotypical Boston tonight: Jameson and Sam Adams.  Probably should have put some Dropkick Murphys on the iPod in the background, too.

7:01 – Discussion about local boy Brian Gionta.  I won’t go so far as to say I like him, but I hate him less than the rest of his roster.

7:02 – No Chara?  Oh shit. Jeez, he looks like death warmed over.  By God, that’s The Sheriff’s Music!  That’s also the music of me trying to decide who I’ll pull for after the Bruins make a quick exit. 

7:05 – Adam: "There’s got to be a way to get smallpox infected towels in Montreal’s locker room before the game starts."

 7:10 – Ron arrives and we demand more shots.  Ron, in his wife’s voice "every time you hang out with Phil and Adam, you come home drunk and throwing up."  It’s gonna be a good time.  Ron opts to sip his Jameson’s, which isn’t a bad choice. 

 7:17 – Well, that’s not the way to start this out.  Juicy rebound by Timmy, and Mike Cammalleri buries it.  This is going to be a very, very long night. 

7:18 – Ron telling a story about a lunch lady who got fired for smoking pot in the lunch room.  Okay, I feel at least 5% better now.  Funny bounce off the stanchion that almost goes in.  If this keeps up, we might have to give that lunch lady a call. 

7:22 – Seidenberg takes an interference penalty which was questionable to begin with, and Montreal scores 6 seconds into the power play.  Ference and McQuaid fell asleep on that play.  All this came right after the announcer proclaimed that Boston’s start "couldn’t get any worse."  That probably doesn't happen if Chara is in the lineup.  Remember what I was saying about Boston having great luck with injuries?  Never mind.

7:24 – Price straight up robs Lucic from 10 feet.  I will now peel the skin off my body.

 7:29 – Ryan Miller just made a phenomenal stop in the Buffalo game.  I mention this because absolutely nothing worth mentioning is happening here.  Adam raving about goaltenders and their flexibility.  The ensuing comments would get us a $100,000 fine from SB Nation.

 7:31 – Trying to change the luck with a Labatt Blue.  I had banned Canadian beer in the Man Cave, but Ron brought some unwittingly.  Better that than Molson. 

 7:33 – Hey, it worked!  Penalty to Hamrlik.

 7:36 – Horton takes a penalty for breathing on Carey Price, while PK Subban grabs, eats, digests and poops out David Krejci’s stick with no call. 

 7:39 – Applebee’s ad.  When you need a lot of crappy, overseasoned food smothered with cheese, and you need it for under $20.

 7:42 – Johnny Boychuk smears Darche and Cammalleri in a span of 3 seconds, which is easily the highlight of the night.

7:50 – Lan tells a story about almost getting arrested in New Orleans back in the day for trying to enter a bar while a fight was going on.  He just wanted to watch, not take part.  We conclude the officer sent him on his way for being dumb and drunk, but not violent.

 8:00 – Ron gets offended when I diss on George Lopez, then retracts when he realizes that he was thinking about Carlos Mencia.  Lopez is like the new Tony Danza in that I will never understand how he continues getting work.

8:10 – Another Bruin power play goes by the boards. What a shock. You know, Marc Crawford is unemployed and has a Stanley Cup to his credit.  Just saying.

8:16 – Lucic high sticks Subban, Subban tries mightily to chomp his lip and draw blood, but it’s still just 2 minutes.  Way to give it the old Canadien try, PK.

8:18 – You’re never going to believe this, but Subban’s attempt to draw blood leads to a discussion about soccer.

8:20 – Thomas makes a stop on a breakaway.  That might have saved this game…such as it is.  Announcer proclaims that "the Bruins need a spark".  Wait, what?  They’ve played hard.  Hard, if not always smart.  

8:23 – Bergeron scores!  It’s about fucking time.  Ron dislikes the spotlight but then wonders why they’re showing it and playing music when they didn't for the first two goals.  Lan: "Yeah!  It’s like everyone’s happy when the team in black scores!  What the hell?!?"  Ron's not the most attentive fan.

8:27 – My wife drops down to visit.  "You’re blogging this?  What kind of a dork are you?"  The general response, "Um, how long have you known Phil?"

8:38 – Wisniewski and The Sheriff drop the gloves, and I must give credit where credit is due, he acquitted himself well.  Good fight. 

8:40 – Boston power play seems to actually look better without Chara.  Not that the defense does, at all, but it seems like they’re not as reliant as the monster point shot. 

8:41 – Kaberle hits the post!  Argh.  And you can practically hear the arena deflate.  

8:46 – Thomas gives up another huge rebound and Weber puts the nail in the coffin.  Are there open seats on the Red Wings bandwagon?

8:50 – We’re trying to one up each other with tasteless comments about body parts.  Lan wins with "toe taint tickler."

8:57 – Adam describing a gruesome skiing injury and subsequent lawsuit, ending with "and now he owns a restaurant and runs around in a wheelchair."

9:00 – You know, we’re two periods in now, and it’s occurred to me that David Krejci has done zilch to back up his guarantee.

9:02 – Ron is trying to tell Mumbles McGee, a.k.a. Lan, that he needs to consistently project, but can’t pronounce "consistently".  They don’t call it the Drunken Diary for nothing, folks!

9:03 – We’re switching to Blue Point Toasted Lager, because I’m all but out of ideas.

9:06 – Versus, in an attempt to keep people from changing the channel, reminds us that the Bruins have been the NHL’s best third period team.  They’d better be.

9:08 – Ron tells a story about a stolen bench on campus that showed up at our off-campus apartment slathered with our fraternity letters.  I spent an afternoon sanding it off and cursing Ron for days.  Turns out it was some other guys and Ron was taking it off campus to avoid anyone getting in trouble.  Oops.  The story ends with "get out of my way, penguin!" 

9:11 – Lagunitas IPA says  "life is uncertain, don’t sip."  Charlie Sheen approves.  Adam tries to read the rest of the label, stumbling over most of it.  They don’t call it the Drunken Diary for nothing, folks!

9:13 – Ron, looking at Lucic, "look at the nose on that guy!"

9:14 – Boychuk checks White within inches of the stanchion.  Awesome.  If he was half as concerned with his positioning as he was with trying to paste guys in the white sweaters, he'd be an all-star.

9:17 – Subban to the box.  Call Pope Benedict, it’s a miracle!

9:19 – This Bruins power play makes me want to drink a drain cleaner cocktail.

9:21 – Boychuk’s slapper trickles out, Price can’t find it, but no one else is there to follow up.  And for the 643th time in this series, a golden scoring opportunity is missed.

9:26 – Ron eagerly points to a girl behind the on-ice reporter with absurd cleavage.

9:29 – Phoebe the Good Luck Cat joins us.  Hopefully it’s not too late to change the course of this game.  During last year's playoffs, the Bruins scored as soon as she came in the room.

9:36 – In fact, it appears to be too late. Bruins just cannot get one past Price.  Again, got to give credit where it's due: he's been sensational in this series.

9:39 - Remember when I said Bruins in 5?  And before that, when I said I'd much rather play Montreal than Buffalo or New York?  Um, no, me neither.

9:40 – Phoebe the Good Luck Cat is licking the empty beer bottle rims.  There’s a reason I’ve had her for 10 years.

9:44 – The Versus announcers broach the prospect of a goaltender change for game 3.  Right, because Tim Thomas is the problem.  Boston has dominated 85% of the play in this series, and Montreal has scored almost all their goals in transition, so let’s blame the goaltender.

9:47 – And there's the final horn.  It's 2-0 Montreal.  The Bruins must now win at least 2 games in a barn where they've had zero success the last couple years.  (Cue Mission: Impossible theme.) 

I have never been on the "Can Claude" bandwagon, but if Boston loses this series, it's time to go.  They underachieved in the playoffs in 2008-9.  They didn't underachieve last year, but they did blow a 3-0 lead.  And now, they're on the verge of losing to a far inferior team.  I don't necessarily think he's a bad coach, but he's getting schooled by Jacques Martin in this series.  The Habs are basically letting the Bruins beat themselves, and taking advantage of the opportunities.  Either the players have tuned him out, or he's a choker.  One way or another, it's unacceptable.

 

 

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