"How did you miss that? That was obviously a goal." "I know. Don't tell anyone, but we're actually filming an ad for Buffalo Wild Wings right now."
It's Game 2, and your humble scribe is coming off a fantastic day. And what better way to wrap it up than with a Drunken Diary? We've got beer, and we've got hockey, and so, with all necessary apologies to Bill Simmons, let's get this thing started...
7:00 - Hey, Usama Bin Laden’s dead. Too bad for Philly; he was 9th on their goaltending depth chart, right after Ron Hextall and right before Pelle Lindbergh.
7:01 - 7:50 - Let's just say that small children plus playoff hockey aren't a great mix. Happily, I have DVR, a wife who more or less accepts her role as a playoff widow, and friends who are a hell of a lot more patient than I would be about sitting in the Man Cave watching the DirecTV logo bounce around the screen.
7:50 - 29 seconds in – Van Riemsdyk scores on 2 on 1. 19 seconds later, Thomas bats it out of mid-air into stands for a penalty. This is NOT an inspiring start.
7:54 - No Pierre McGuire tonight? That's a shame. Maybe Mike Richards finally got that restraining order.
7:59 - Van Riemsdyk struck again at 10:29 on the PP, with Gregory Campbell in the box for hooking. This is going to be the most depressing drunken diary ever. And that's saying a lot considering the last one was written during game 2 of the Montreal series.
8:01 – Ron arrives, that should help. Brings me a beer. Better still.
8:03 - 3rd line answers back at 7:10 to go, great net crash by Michael Ryder and Chris Kelly and Kelly gets his 4th of the playoffs. Adam: "Those guys are all going to be looking for raises." If Ryder gets a raise from his $4M salary, there is no justice in the world.
8:05 - A minute and a half later, Brad Marchand scores to tie it. 2-2!
8:10 – We toast the Navy Seals. Fuckin’ right.
8:15 – Ron’s Hawaiian shirt is the new Phoebe the Good Luck Cat. We are absolutely demanding he wear it every time he comes over. Phoebe, you're out. Ron, you and your shirt are in.
8:20 – Ron: "this is the first time in like 1500 years that two British royals have gotten married and one wasn’t horribly deformed." Adam: "What? Princess Diana was hot!" Me: "Yeah, but Prince Charles wasn't."
Adam: "Yeah, Charles is like a British Ross Perot."
8:21 – Daniel Paille on the breakaway, but he's all Swedish and no Finnish, as he shoots right into Boucher on a breakaway. Is there any forward on the Bruins you wouldn't take over Paille on the breakaway? I'd take Thornton over him. I'd take Nathan Horton or David Krejci in a wheelchair over Paille on the break.
8:24 – Adam McQuaid whiffs on a flying elbow and face-plants the boards. This would be funny if it didn’t make me think about Shane Hnidy playing next game. Philly fans show more class than they have in 20 years by cheering as McQuaid comes off the ice.
8:28 – Ron regaling us with stories about his trip to Hawaii for his sister's wedding. Adam loves weddings. "There’s always that kinda-chubby bridesmaid who’s never attached, and if nothing else works out…" Any port in a storm.
8:30 – Up and down action to end the period, and it’s 2-2. And...we're caught up on DVR. Thank goodness.
8:33 - Ron recounting his flight to Hawaii. He was sitting in a row of French people and had to resist calling them "Francophone pussies", my epithet for Canadien fans. Yes, I'm still taking potshots at Montreal. I regret nothing.
8:35 - You know things are bad when they're talking about the Bruins power play, say they're 0 for 27, and Adam and I say, "wait, that's all?"
8:37 - That lady chipping at her ice-laden fridge hits too close to home. Whatever you do, lady, don't use a screwdriver.
8:42 - First part of the period is all Boston, but they never get it in the net.
8:47 - Talking about movie cameos. When "Airplane!" came out, people were stunned that Kareem Abdul-Jabbar actually had a sense of humor. We agree that Kareem's cameo in Airplane! would be like if Sidney Crosby did that now. Concussed or not, doesn't matter.
8:48 - Discussion on local cougar bars. "There's just condoms everywhere in the parking lot."
8:52 - I have no idea how Van Riemsdyk didn't get his hat trick there. Phenomenal chance. Thomas has been fantastic since those two early goals.
8:56 - "Is Boucher hurt?" Adam: "Yeah, his pride's hurt after Sunday." Yup, there's Bob. How many more until we get to Roman Cechmanek?
9:00 - Thomas just grabbed Nikolay Zherdev's lunch money and then threw him off the monkey bars.
9:01 - At the other end, Krejci has a 2 on 1 and hits the right post. We learn that Adam McQuaid is at the hospital. That's one of the most unfortunate minutes of Bruins hockey I've seen in awhile.
9:04 - Van Riemsdyk on the break, but shoots it just wide. Won't show up in the stats, but Thomas forced him that way. Nice goaltending.
9:05 - "How do you get a job like that?" "You gotta know someone who knows someone." "I know you guys, that gets me shit." "It gets you a beer if you want one." These are my friends.
9:08 - Great shift by the Bruins, and the #1 line. Great goaltending by Bob, though.
9:10 - Johnny Boychuk just obliterated Braydon Coburn. I think there's an orange smear on the end boards. Hartnell gets a penalty moments later. By all means, get up, get a beer, stretch your legs, take a piss. Nothing's happening for two minutes.
9:12 - The Bruins actually do get a good looking power play, but...and please stop me if you've heard this before...can't score. At this point, I'm almost hoping they don't, just to see if they can win the Stanley Cup without a single power play goal. It would be like when my friend Mike tried to beat Tecmo Super Bowl without scoring an offensive touchdown.
9:15 - Ron's taxi driver in Hawaii: "yeah, a lot of people need to leave here for awhile and go to the mainland. I got in my car and drove as far as Dayton, Ohio." Um, really? I mean, if you've gone that far, why not just go to someplace that matters?
9:22 - Oh good, a Joe Thornton reference. Worst trade in Bruins history. So bad that I'm not even sure who's second worst. Adam nominates the Juneau for Iafrate trade. Not sure that's it, but it's probably in the top (bottom) 10. Joe Colborne and a first round pick for Tomas Kaberle is moving up the list, though.
9:25 - Adam: "In a plane, I'd rather crash into the land than the ocean." Ron: "Dude, in the ocean, they can find you. There's transponders and stuff. It's not like Lost." Adam: "Hey, I just don't want to die slow, I'd rather die fast." Me: "It's not Cast Away. You're not going to end up fucking a volleyball."
9:30 - Boucher back in net. This may not be a bad thing, Bobrovsky was magnificent.
9:32 - Save by Seidenberg! Van Riemsdyk again. He's been amazing. Do the Flyers even have anyone else playing tonight?
9:33 - Dammit, Squirrel. The point of being an agitator is to force the OTHER team into dumb penalties.
9:37 - Briere on the break...loses the puck, and then Seidenberg damn near knocks it in anyway.
9:39 - This period has been all Philly so far. The Bruins have one shot, and it wasn't even that good.
9:43 - Seriously, Philly fans? This is weak sauce. I mean, it's not like Boston is a hard target. I quote the great Jon Stewart, who said "Philadelphia: the city for people too dumb to live in Boston, and too scared to live in New York."
9:46 - 48 hours removed from the Zdeno Chara Stomach Virus of Doom, and I'm on my sixth Sam Adams after two glasses of wine with dinner. It's the playoffs, you know.
9:52 - My wife comes down to visit. "Are you blogging this? You're geeks. You take this to a whole new level."
9:53 - Looch with a great steal, and Horton gets it at point blank range, but Boucher makes a sweet save.
10:00 - Chara goes to the box for roughing Briere. In his defense, that was a sweet forearm shiver. If you're going to get penalized, might as well get your 2 minutes worth.
10:02 - Great penalty kill by the Bruins. Not many good shots by Philly.
10:04 - Anxious moment when the Flyers win the draw, Briere has the puck roll to him, but it goes just under his stick. I'd have bet $100 he would have finished that. Big break for the Bruins.
10:08 - Phoebe the Good Luck Cat arrives. That, plus Ron's shirt, should be enough to bring it home in OT.
10:13 - Ron's family, on vacation, does coffee, then scotch. He's like my brother from another mother.
10:14 - Jesus, Timmy has 41 saves so far. Awesome.
10:18 - Speaking of Jesus, we're having a discussion about Kirk Cameron's career that began with "I hypothesize that he was Born Again after waking up in a Wichita motel room the morning after snorting a bunch of coke after seeing Jason Bateman's comeback."
10:21 - "If I was a lion and you were a tuna, I would swim in the ocean, and kill you, and then fuck your tuna girlfriend." I have no idea why that quote came out, but I like it.
10:24 - Slow start to OT, not much going on here.
10:26 - Shot hits the crossbar, and then three straight half-assed clears by our Norris Trophy nominee before Seidenberg gets it out. Is he getting pointers from Victor Hedman or something?
10:28 - Chara leaves the bench. Fantastic. Anyone got Ray Bourque's number handy? I'd settle for Don Sweeney, or even a one-legged Steven Kampfer over The Sheriff.
10:29 - Chara is back. Thank God.
10:33 - Peverley with a neutral zone steal, Adam calls a game-winner, and he hits the post. Nice one, Jinxie McJinx. Ron: "Holy shit, this is awesome. I'm so glad you guys have gotten me into playoff hockey." He's less a hockey fan than a "drink beer and shoot the bull" fan, but it's good to have him on board.
10:34 - Ron: "What if it's Obama reaching up from the grave and he doesn't want the US to win?" Adam: "It's Osama, not Obama,." Me: "Also, Philadelphia is located in the US." They don't call it the Drunken Diary for nothing, folks!
10:35 - Philly gets away with being badly offsides, but it doesn't matter. Philly's not scoring on Thomas.
10:36 - The Flyers have set a team record for shots in a playoff game. It's not like the Bruins are playing badly, far from it, but the pace has been fast and furious. If Boston had a lesser goaltender, this probably would have been over awhile ago.
10:37 - Adam has a crush on the Flyers towel girl. The more he drank, he went from talking about chubby bridesmaids to ogling a girl who's probably an 8 on the 10 scale. That's like reverse beer goggling. Impressive.
10:39 - KREJCI SCORES!!! Wait, that's not a goal?!?!? You gotta be shitting me!
10:40 - Wait, we're under review. Boucher knows it's a goal. You know, ref, if there's ever a doubt, you can just watch the goalie's reaction. Or the fans, who are fleeing the Wells Fargo Center like it's on fire. This seems to happen in Philly a lot, you know. Yup, that's in.
10:43 - Adam and I discussing Philadelphia goaltending. It's not like Boucher was bad in game 2. He was bad in game 1, but he had plenty of company there, including Bobrovsky. We come to the conclusion that Bobrovsky's probably the better bet.
10:44 - 2-0 heading back to Boston! Trying not to get too excited about this just yet. I'll get excited when they get to 4. But, "encouraged" is a good word.