A new fan?

He forgot one, we hate the Canucks more than everyting besides the Montreal Divers

Told my father-in-law I was going to be a Bruins fan – he already bought me a hat. I already wore it out and around town and will be sporting it at the Kings game tomorrow night (I’m assuming it’s kosher to wear your teams colors at a game even if they’re not playing in the game?).

I’m in as a Bruins fan, hated the loss to Vancouver but felt like we outplayed them overall, excited for the rest of the season and plan on enjoying our run to repeat!!

As Bruins fans we don’t truck with soft hockey. FInesse and speed are a part of the game, a big part, and they are important. But we like our finesse forwards to be able to handle their business when they’re laying a hit. We want our small speedy guys to be able to leave an impact crater where the other guys soft forward used to be. We’ll love a guy if he’s really superb. Like Johnny above mentioned Oatsey, who was one of the best passers of that era. But he could not shake the timbers. But they don’t get the same space in our collective memory as a guy who could, for example, pick a star forward from the other team, in front of his own net, grab the punk by the collar of his jersey and do some speed bag practice with the dude’s face. (Quick shout out to March, I love you man, you’re everything great about the Bruins this year).

In addition to not having patience for soft hockey, we are all irritated to the point of physical violence, by soft hockey players that complain that the league won’t coddle them like their coaches do. So if a finesse player puts quotes into the media whining about getting hit or complaining about hits not being called. That person goes to the top of the list for people we can’t stand.

Tim Thomas is actually a wizard. And now that you’re a fan it’s your responsibility to erect a shrine in his honor in your home somewhere, it’s best if it’s in a room where you sleep. This shrine will show to the Great Wizard Thomas that you are a disciple and so when he finally harvests the souls of all the evil and good in this world he will spare you for your fealty. Also (and this is the most important part) it allows him to sap mana from you which increases his prowess as a stopper. Keep in mind, if you get too close to the Great Wizard Thomas while he is in net he will lay you the fuck out. I’m sure someone will post that gif here eventually.

You could pick any player on this team as your favorite. And not a single one of the true fans would fault your choice at all. Maybe it’s Seguin because he is the golden boy wonderchild and he’s young and spunky (choosing Segs suggests you’re a teenage girl though so be careful). Maybe you pick Marchand because you prefer the small, scrappy forward who is opportunistic and gritty and doesn’t shy away from contact. Maybe it’s big Z because you like watching a defensemen hit people so hard they travel through time. Or Tim Thomas because he’s the best goalie on the planet. Or Bergeron because he’s selfless, a great team mate and a hard worker. Maybe Looch because you miss Cam Neely. Maybe Horton because you like a winger so committed to offense that his defense suffers. I hit some high points there but you honestly can’t make a bad choice. So sometime next week you’ll have to make your choice. No pressure. But once you choose you can’t change your mind, ever, it isnt’ allowed.

10. If a team comprised entirely of the best NHL players to ever play, was collected in their primes, and faced off against a squad of the best Bruins to ever play, all playing in their primes. The final score would be 157 – 2. The best the NHL had to offer wouldn’t actually score the two goals. Ray Bourque would volunteer to play for the regular NHLers during the 2nd period on their only power play. And would score both goals on one shot off of a faceoff. Because Ray is classy like that and doesn’t want the other team to go home feeling bad.

9. The source of all evil in the universe is Montreal.
8. People that say “Better the devil you know,” are all people that don’t know Zdeno Chara.
7. Due to an accident with record keeping, Brad Marchand didn’t make a name for himself until last year with the Boston Bruins. This was because his stats had actually been confused with those of career minor leaguer Mario Lemiux.
6. 6 is the number of goals the Bruins score to make “quota.” There isn’t a question of whether the quota will be reached or not (seriously check out the game history), merely a question of which period will be when quota is reached.
5. Milan Lucic’s nickname is “Looch”
4. David Krejci’s nickname is “David Krejci”
3. Tuukka Rask is actually the second best goalie in hockey, the only reason he isn’t starting is because he plays behind Tim Thomas.
2. In his spare time Patrice Bergeron is still working on his algorithm to create world peace. WIthin 2 years from his retirement he’ll be able to dedicate his energies to it in full and thus win consecutive Nobel Peace Prizes.
1. The best part of being a Bruins fan, is every part of being a Bruins fan.

Attended the Kings/Caps game and thoroughly enjoyed it!! Fun, exciting atmosphere and a decent game with a good amount of scoring and a couple fun fights! Looking forward to going back again.

Also, I think it’s worth pointing out that after Kings and Caps merchandise, Bruins gear was much more pervasive that any other teams gear…Bruins fans are well represented here in LA.

Go Bruins!

But also aquatint yourself with these songs: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AP5g-Pjpg_I

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kqKHqWaTv9g