FanPost

The Eyeball Test - Week of 11/11/13

Three things (only three!) that are bothering me about the Bruins heading into this week. No stats... just GUTS.

3. The Curious Case of Adam McQuaid

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I'm not a "doctor" so I can't pretend to "know" what "happened" to Adam McQuaid on Saturday night. It looked like something in the vicinity of his groin/hip/leg and since you need ALL of those things to skate (two legs and hips for crying out loud!), that probably doesn't bode well. The added air of mystery surrounding the injury makes it seem like it could only possibly be:

1) Nothing. See you Thursday vs. Columbus!

2) Catastrophic.

Most B's fans would say "no big loss," but I happen to like McQuaid for the following reasons:

A) In an age when Looch rightfully can't be bothered, Shawn Thornton would rather celebrate the formality of the duel, and Gregory Campbell looks like an inflatable punching clown, Quaider's fights are the best

2) When he does something stupid, I like to yell "McQuaid!" like I'm Samuel L. Jackson in DIE HARD: WITH A VENGEANCE

D) I still miss his mullet

So it's down to you, Matt Bartkowski (aka Bartok the Matt?). Please be playoffs Bart and not regular season Bart.

2. DICK JOKE (The Chad Johnson Conundrum)

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True story: I gave SCoC Ruling Party Sarah Connors a ride back to Boston post-Pile on the Isle (German: "Pile on Zee Isle"). While I kept one eye on the road and one eye out for Terminators, I asked how many more starts like this we'd need to see from Chad Johnson before we activated the pipeline. She said "three or four" and I groaned. She's smarter than me, so I believe her.

The rational part of my brain is all "stop jonesing, it's been two starts and he's posting a sub 3.00 GAA; he's a back up." Meanwhile, the lizard brain is all "ah! bad stimuli! move to less painful place!" This has nothing to do with logic and is solely the end result of our recent embarrassment of riches at goalie. Remember when Tuukka was second-best? Even Dr. Khu felt like a sturdy safety net during the shortened 2013 season; Claude clearly felt the same, having him start basically 1 in 4 games.

Chad Johnson has only started twice in 16 games - half of Dobby's pace last year.

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I rest my case.

Just don't get hurt, Tuukka. Please god don't get hurt. Not only is Chad's last name "Johnson", but anyone called "Chad" registers somewhere on the scale between HUGE TOOL and MASSIVE PRICK. Ocho-stinko is just one, unending dick joke.

This seems unnecessarily mean. You could also be better at the position of hockey goaltender. I would accept that as well.

1. Period Drama

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I can't anymore with this fucking period yardstick. Sorry, did that come on strong? Because I just wheedled that down from a 800-word explicative that is basically a Mobb Deep track. We're getting it from the coaches; we're getting it from the players; of course, we're getting it from the professional committee of deceased equine clubbers Boston sports media. WHEN WILL THE BRUINS PLAY A THREE PERIOD GAME?

Even I've done it in the comments on this very site. But no more. This narrative is past vintage.

It hit me the other day when I read/heard quotes from Bergy and Seids after the Leafs game that pertained to this period yardstick phenomenon. Wringing our hands as fans, imbibing the swill from the media, even nodding/smiling at the platitudes from the coaching staff and front office is acceptable. Forcing this into the minds of the guys on the ice is too much. That they're out there thinking "OK, first period was strong. One good period down! But we're seven minutes into the second and it's not going so good. I guess we can only get TWO good periods in tonight. Gonna have to be the third..." makes me insane. Because that's all driving this into them is doing. I don't care what anyone says. We've harped on it enough to get it into the players' heads. Yay us.

Is winning two periods not good enough? Theoretically, a team would win 66% of its games, too, which would probably slot that team into the top 4 seeds come playoff time. During the Panthers game last week, Jack and Brick were hitting on shifts and stringing together good ones. I can get behind that. Leave this period crap to us chatterboxes, boys. Go win the puck, then win the shift. The period is just the punctuation of a boring sentence that never ends.

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