Better Know a Dumb Jerk: Duncan Keith

Takes pride in being Jeff Foxworthy's western Canadian twin - Jonathan Daniel

Duncan Keith is probably equal parts dumb and jerk. Who leaves college in the middle of their sophomore year to play junior hockey in Canada? This moron.

He left Michigan State after 14 games of his second year to sign with the WHL's Kelowna Rockets. Because he's legitimately not that bright.

Before he was dropping out of college, he was honing his skills to throw dirty hits and be a general scumbag in the BCHL with the Penticton Panthers as a 16 year old. All that time he was definitely learning how to make intelligent decisions like how to swing his stick at an opponent's face in his best Marty McSorley impression. I know I am always really sorry too, when I realize that I'm going to get in trouble for what I've done.

Before that, he was retweeting things like the tweet above, because he's really proud of that "line" he "walks". When he's not busy #wheelin, he might be caught doing other outrageously intelligent things, like elbowing Daniel Sedin in the face and getting suspended five games for it, only a little over a year ago.

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"Who knows a good dentist, by the way?" Duncan Keith laughed into Jeff Carter's voice mail as he hung up the phone (GIF via 25.media.tumblr.com).

Make no mistake, it takes years to learn how to play dirty like that. Or maybe not, but look at these exhibits of awful unsportsmanlike conduct in the 2010 finals in which he high sticks - yet again - someone (Daniel Briere) in the face. And there's this 2009 blindside elbow to Matt Cooke's skull, which...actually, that one was probably considered clean and legal at the time.

Sure, he's a good defenseman. He won the Norris Trophy in 2010, the year he helped the Blackhawks win the Stanley Cup. I mean, that year, he put up career highs in goals, assists, and points, obviously. And since that year, he has steadily declined in point production. But don't worry, his penalty minutes continue to rise. Extra points for "stupid penalty minutes."

He's actually such a good defenseman, he signed the biggest contract in Blackhawks history in 2009. 13 years of head shots and high sticks harmlessly masked behind an unknowing toothless grin. Oh great.

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