Better Know a Dumb Jerk: Jonathan Toews

Jonathan Toews is a jerk. Nowhere else is that apparent than in this vicious attack. Not since Mike Milbury was accused of assault have we seen such a reprehensible act play out between over-rated NBC stars and children...at least on a hockey rink:

Wow, way to elbow that kid in the head, Jonathan. Where did you learn that? Not from Kane because that kid can't reach the pedals of a cab.

We'll look past his Canadian heritage for a minute and move onto where he played hockey before the NHL: For the University of North Dakota.

Now you may say, "Cornelius! The University of North Dakota is part of the NCAA! You usually root for those sorts of teams!" That's true, but North Dakota doesn't count. For one, North Dakota just changed their name off of the Sioux to just UND. Yep. They were one of a bunch of schools that are slowly moving into the 20th century and changing their names off of what some consider to be only sorta racist.

Names like "Blackhawks," for example.

Now it all becomes clear: Jonathan Toews hates the indigenous people of North America. He probably roots for the Redskins and Seminoles and Braves and the Cleveland Indians. I don't know whether the "Cleveland" or "Indians" part is more embarrassing about that. But I digress.

Aside from literally trying to end children's lives, and being an awful racist, Jonathan Toews can't fight for shit. He wouldn't make it in this town. He was of course just another stop on the David Backes American Hero Fights All of Canada Tour, but it's this ridiculous sequence against former Boston Bruin Joe Thornton that really proves his character:

To review, Toews nails Thornton from behind on the end boards. Not content with that, he tracks him down after play stops and jumps him. Toews was wearing a visor, as well. What a terrible human being. There's this thing called "honor," Jonny. Learn about it sometime.

Or maybe you did, but forgot when you mistook a train support pylon for a child.

Oh, and one last thing: he's kind of a creep. Check it out:

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