The Bruins' new TV series "Behind the B" premieres on Monday, promising a behind-the-scenes look at all things black and gold. The trailer for the new series provided a glimpse at what's to come, but thanks to a super secret high-ranking team source, Stanley Cup of Chowder got an exclusive sneak peak at what fans will see on the show. Screenshots and video weren't allowed, but here's a transcript of a few key scenes.
SCENE: Inside the Bruins' locker room prior to the April 20th game vs. Pittsburgh. Claude Julien is addressing the team, going over a few talking points prior to warm-ups.
JULIEN: "Alright boys, time to put that Wednesday game behind us. There's gonna be a lot of emotion in the building again this afternoon, but try to keep a lid on things. Tuukka, you're between the pipes. They're sitting Fleury today, so we're going against Vokoun. Scouting report says keep things low on him, he gives up a lot of reb-"
MILAN LUCIC: (interrupting) "Actually coach, those are old shot charts you're looking at. More recent stats suggest shooting high on Vokoun, as he now goes down early to minimize his rebound problems."
JULIEN: "Uhh...thanks, Looch. Anyways...we're gonna start with Bergie's line along with Z and Bart, as they'll probably go with Dupuis, Kunitz (Lucic heaves a deep, audible sigh)...something wrong, Looch?"
LUCIC: "It's just that...Dupuis and Kunitz are two of Pittsburgh's leaders in Fenwick, coach! We should put Seids out there, he's one of our better shot-blockers."
JULIEN: "Thanks Looch, but I'll make the coaching dec-"
LUCIC: (interrupting) "But coach, the Pens' CORSI Fenwick offensive zone start time relative CORSS QoC makes this move suicidal!"
JULIEN: "I get it, Looch, but-"
LUCIC: (interrupting) "And don't even get me started on PDO! You've gotta read those notes I sent you, coach! And where's the calculator I put on your desk?"
JULIEN: "If you interrupt me with your numbers one more time, so help me God, I'm sitting you. Do you underst-"
LUCIC: (interrupting) "Oh shit, we've gotta be out there in five minutes, boys!"
JULIEN: "GOD DAMNIT, THAT'S IT! Looch, sit in the press box. Carl, you're in. I've had enough of this math wizard garbage."
Julien exits, muttering about how he likes apple pie, not pie charts. Lucic is a healthy scratch, while Soderberg makes his NHL debut in the B's 3-2 loss.
SCENE: The Bruins' locker room during Game 6 of the Stanley Cup Final. The first period has just ended, and Patrice Bergeron hobbles to his locker.
PATRICE BERGERON: "OK boys, good start, good start. 40 minutes to go, keep it up. Let's get one in the net there."
Chorus of "yessir's", "way to go's", "attaboy's", etc.
TEAM DOCTOR: "Bergie, how ya holdin' up out there?"
BERGERON: "Not bad, just a little sore in my shoulder. Can you check it out?"
DOCTOR: "Sure, I'll take a look."The doctor touches Bergeron's shoulder, which immediately detaches from his body.
BERGERON: "Is...is that normal?"
Claude Julien looks nervously at the doctor.
DOCTOR: "Uhhh...uh, yeah, yeah, that's normal. It's called shoulder-itis, it just needs to pop out for a bit to feel better. Anything else?"
BERGERON: "Yeah, my side is hurting a bit. Can you take a look?"
Bergeron lifts his jersey to reveal nine ribs missing from his left side.
DOCTOR: "Holy crap, that's (another anxious look from Julien)...that's an impressive set of abs you've got there, Patrice. Uhhh...the pain was just from a splinter you've got here. (fakes removing a splinter with tweezers) That should be OK now."
BERGERON: "Thanks, doc. It also feels like my knee is a little off. Like there's a cartilage issue or something. I read it on WebMD."
DOCTOR: "Those sites are for kooks, Bergie, but I'll take a look."
Bergeron's knee is bent the wrong way.
DOCTOR: "That, uhh...that happens sometimes in the playoffs. Neely's leg used to look like that, and he never had any serious problems with it! Now take this aspirin and get back out there!"
Patrice Bergeron finishes the game, and his long list of injuries is soon revealed.
SCENE: Inside of Peter Chiarelli's office, July 4th. Chiarelli, Neely, and Julien are sitting around a table, with Chiarelli on the phone.
PETER CHIARELLI: "That's right, Peverley and Morrow too. Alright, great. Thanks, Jim. Let me know when it's been submitted. Good luck."
Chiarelli hangs up the phone and rejoins the group.
CAM NEELY: It's done? We've gotta call the players.
CHIARELLI: Yeah, it's done. I'll call Tyler.
Chiarelli picks up the phone and dials Tyler Seguin's number. Pounding bass is audible from the receiver as Chiarelli begins to talk.
CHIARELLI: "Hello? Hello, Tyler? Tyler, it's Peter. Peter! Chiarelli. Your general manager. No, that's Cam. Yes, the bald one. Tyler, can you turn the music down? We need to talk.
The bass subsides slightly, as chants of 'CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!' can now be heard.
CHIARELLI: "Tyler, we appreciate everything you've done for us as a player. You're a good kid and will be a great player in this league, but it won't happen here. We've traded you to the Dallas Stars. I've given Jim Nill your number, and he'll be in touch shortly. What? No, Dallas. DALLAS. It's a city in Texas. No, it's not Mexico, it's a state."
JULIEN: "Put it on speaker, Pete, so we can all talk."
Chiarelli switches to speakerphone.
JULIEN: "Tyler, you're a good player and have made strides lately. Best of luck in Dallas."
SEGUIN: (mumbling) "Whatever, have another piece of pie, baldy."
SEGUIN: "Uh...I was hacked. Sorry. Won't happen again.
CHIARELLI: "Tyler, this is a phone call. You weren't hacked."
SEGUIN: "You're a phone call."
A male voice is heard yelling, "OHHHHHHHHH, YOU NAILED HIM, BRO!" before the call is ended. Seguin is traded to Dallas, ending his Bruins career.
SCENE: Tuukka Rask is sitting in his stall after an informal skate organized by a some members of the B's staff. He's talking with fellow European David Krejci about why Swedes and Finns don't get along.
DAVID KREJCI: "But the countries are so similar! Scandinavian, good at hockey...why the hate?"
TUUKKA RASK: "Because Swedes suck. Their furniture is awful. Their meatballs are awful. And have you seen the way they dress? Please. Finns are better. We don't need Swedes."
Carl Soderberg enters, conversing with Loui Eriksson in Swedish.
RASK: "What the...(gesturing at Eriksson) who is that guy?"
KREJCI: "That's Loui...the guy we traded Segs for."
RASK: "ANOTHER one? Geez, when will it end?"
Niklas Svedberg enters and walks up to Rask, wearing a shirt with the national team's Tre Kronor logo on it.
NIKLAS SVEDBERG: "Hey Tuukka, not sure if you remember me, but I'm Niklas, I'll be backing you up this season. I'm looking forward to it."
Svedberg exits, Rask turns to Krejci.
RASK: "They're multiplying! Next thing you know they'll be in the front office too."
Peter Chiarelli enters, accompanied by the Bruins' newest scout.
PETER CHIARELLI: "This guy needs no introduction, but I'd like you all to welcome P.J. Axelsson back into the fold. He's going to be scouting over in Europe for us. We're happy to have another Swede on board. With him are two of our picks this season, Linus Arnesson and Anton Blidh."
A flying milk crate crashes into the camera, and the screen goes black. The credits roll.