FanPost

Why you should root for Team Meteor.




There's really only one team to root for in the NHL postseason this year, and that is Team Meteor. While I am not one to condone species-annihilation on a massive scale, I would not mind something much less sinister, such as an earthquake swallowing a stadium whole during game 7 of the Finals. Perhaps even Raffi Torres attempting to steal the Stanley Cup, only to have it fuse to his skin and melt both of them.

If you're unsure of why rooting for any of the remaining teams is a bad idea, I have compiled a comprehensive and unbiased list of reasons why you shouldn't root for any of them. Enjoy.

Montreal-canadiens-license-plate_medium

Maybe never again

1. Montreal Canadiens

Is Montreal. If you're still not convinced, please click this link.

Messier_crying_medium

This guy...

2. New York Rangers.

Is New York. If you're a fan of any other Boston sports teams, this should be sufficient enough reason. However, if you're a general hockey fan, the New York Rangers simply aren't a team that deserves to be blindly hated. So you need something else. Picture in your mind a stereotypical Boston bandwagon fan. They probably have a mindset that Lucic is the greatest hockey player we have, every season the Bruins don't win the Cup is an abject failure, and stand a 1:3 shot at spewing some of the racist remarks we've had to endure other fans telling us reflect ALL Bruins fans. They either want to trade Rask or Krejci (sometimes both) and want to fire Claude regardless. Got him in your mind? Well, the way I see it, the New York Rangers core fanbase is the same size as Boston's, however, their bandwagon is 3-4 times larger. Meaning there are 3-4 times that many of that type of fan rooting for them right this second. They probably hero-worship Dan Carcillo at this point. Gross. Also, Marty St. Louis' mom may have died (God rest her soul) but keep in mind he's still the guy who whined his way out of his career franchise because his GM snubbed him at the Olympics. He's kind of a dink for that.

Justin-bieber-touches-stanleys-cup-chicago-blackhawks__opt_medium

I should have warned you. I'm sorry.


3. Chicago Blackhawks

This fanbase will tell us "17 SECONDS WOO" every time they meet us for the rest of our lives. This is because they took a Cup from the Bruins last year. There is no cheering for that. For the casual hockey fan, the media is just itching for them to return to the Cup Finals so they can start lauding that dreaded "dynasty" label on them. Had Boston won last season, they could have been in the running for that label. Instead, it's Chicago, in a post-dollar Bill Wirtz era. It's like glimpsing into a future without Jeremy Jacobs, only real because Jeremy Jacobs is probably some kind of Dr. Frankenstein zombie who will NEVER DIE and this makes me sad. Anyway, the only thing Chicago had for them was Dorchester's own Jimmy "How-do-ya-do" Hayes, but now he's a Panther. Do we as a hockey community really want to see P-diddles Kane hoist another Cup? You just know that every Selke vote from now on, Toews supporters will point to three Cups and use it as leverage over Bergeron. This cannot happen.

110421_sacramento_kings_fans_medium

photo courtesy of KABC-TV in Los Angeles


4. Los Angeles Kings

Admittedly, this looks to be the 'safest' choice in terms of who to root for. However, they do have two guys who were on that Flyers team who came from 3-0 down to beat Boston, and most of them have already won a Cup. Rooting for Los Angeles is rooting for the ultimate bandwagon: chock full of celebrities who were scarcely seen at a hockey game until it was considered "cool" because they were a winning team. If you're a Celtics fan, they're also LA. Justin Williams is apparently being dubbed "Mr. Game 7," an honor that should go to Patrice Bergeron if the team around him would stop losing those games. Since Williams is 7-0 (completely meaningless stat), his similar point totals look sexier. This should be sufficient enough for any Boston sports fan to not root for LAK. As for the casual hockey fan, you have to consider the following: If Los Angeles were to win their second title in three years, much like Chicago they would be on the verge of the "dynasty" label. Do we really want to live in a world where Dustin Brown is captaining a "dynasty?"

I rest my case. No Teemu, no winner. Go Team Meteor.

Many FanPosts are written by readers and do not necessarily reflect the views of Stanley Cup of Chowder, SB Nation, their sponsors, or business partners.

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior users will need to choose a permanent username, along with a new password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

I already have a Vox Media account!

Verify Vox Media account

Please login to your Vox Media account. This account will be linked to your previously existing Eater account.

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior MT authors will need to choose a new username and password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Stanley Cup of Chowder

You must be a member of Stanley Cup of Chowder to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Stanley Cup of Chowder. You should read them.

Join Stanley Cup of Chowder

You must be a member of Stanley Cup of Chowder to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Stanley Cup of Chowder. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9355_tracker