What Now? The Los Angeles Kings

ZOMBIE? RACCOON? WHO KNOWS - Mike DiNovo-USA TODAY Sports

If you're dead set against other sports and insist on still watching hockey this season, here you go. There's no way after the last couple of seasons (or, you know, EVER...) that Bruins fans should be cheering for the Blackhawks or the Canadiens. In lieu of that, here's an argument for throwing your lot in with the LA Kings, arguably the least offensive team remaining in the playoffs. To argue in their favor, here's Nick from Jewels From The Crown. Thanks Nick!

Okay, so I understand the Kings may not be everyone's favorite team. They just won a cup, they employ Dustin Brown, Mike Richards kinda stinks, the Kings twitter account is obnoxious, and the attention Jonathan Quick gets is really annoying. I understand all of that completely. However, that is all erased by one man and one man alone: Anze Kopitar. If you hate those others, you should certainly love Anze Kopitar in equal portions. He is the league's most unassuming superstar, every bit as good as Jonathan "not as good as Sidney Crosby" Toews and certainly better than some of the other excellent centers you surely know more about. Kopitar likes golf and tennis and his dog basically looks like he does and he's super nice and he's great at both ends of the ice. He may not be the defensive wizard that Patrice Bergeron has turned himself into, but he's not far behind. He also looks like either a raccoon or Frankenberry depending on who you ask, and that makes him really neat in my eyes. Which other center in the league could be confused for a cute little monster that might wind up in your garbage can at night?

The other gem worth rooting for is Darryl Sutter. Seriously, have you seen his face? It's great. The media sucks a lot and he hates them almost as much as we all do. He's a treat. He also has evolved as a coach, despite looking like he just crawled out of the tomb with a can of bitter beer in hand. Those are impressive features. Anyway, if you want someone to make Pierre McGuire look really dumb in the Finals, he's your best bet. He'll answer every question with the disdain that Tobias Fu--err, Mr. McGuire richly deserves. Assuming that you all hate the Blackhawks and Canadiens, the only other coach worth discussing is Rangers' bench boss Alain Vigneault, former coach of the hated Vancouver Canucks. Trust me, we Kings fans despise them almost as much as you all do. The only disappointing thing about their hilariously tragic season is that they didn't get to embarrass themselves on the big stage again. Isn't that sad? Anyway, Vigneault is probably a pretty good coach but he's a big ol' dink and he says really stupid and embarrassing things to the press.

You all should cheer for the Kings because we have shared interests: we both hate the stupid Blackhawks, we both hate the shitty Canucks, and should the Rangers again be a playoff disappointment, there's nothing long-time Kings fans would love to see more than the complete embarrassment of the Habs on the grandest stage, something I can absolutely assure would happen. It would be a massacre akin to the hockey episode of South Park. Dustin Brown would just sit there beating the hell out of David Desharnais while Marian Gaborik blew past every non-Markov/Subban defender to score on the second most overrated goalie in the league (if he's even alive at that point). Join us! It will be a great time.

The Kings play tonight....so, Go Kings?

Thanks again to Nick from Jewels from the Crown!

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