The Bruins will be in Montreal tomorrow night to face-off against the Canadiens. The Habs will be celebrating their 100th anniversary tomorrow night, which is weird because they have been milking this 100th season thing for 2 years now. Instead of doing my typical game preview, I thought I would do something
completely unoriginal and hacky different. TSN recently came up with a list of 100 reasons to love the Canadiens, so I decidedly to come up with a rebuttal. The following are 85 reasons to hate the Montreal Canadiens (in no particular order) to celebrate 85 years of Bruins hockey.
1. Almost all of their Stanley Cup wins were a direct result of an unfair player allocation system
26. Their lame fans that flood the streets of Boston
27. Their fans celebrated a first round win over an 8 seed by setting their own city's police cars on fire
28. One of their greatest players ever has a nickname that sounds like a sex toy
29. One of their former "coaching masterminds" can't even read a children's book
30. Their fans are living in the past.
31. Ken Dryden F__ that guy!
32. Patrick Roy Just a poor man's Marty Brodeur
33. They are a bunch of purse snatchers
34. They have better diving form than Rodney Rangerfield in "Back to School"
35. Guy LaFleur His son is a creep and the old man isn't much better
36. Ole! Ole! Ole! Ah how cute. You got a little song you sing.
37. I feel guilty every time I order a Molson
38. Who calls for a stick measurement in the Stanley Cup Finals?
39. Their dumb fans that would rather have a team of French Canadians than a competitive team
40. Their jailbird throwback jerseys
41. I hate any team that has a Gionta on it
42. The Habs couldn't give the B's much of a series last year and I think it hurt the B's in Round 2
43. They love to play chippy, but rarely answer the bell
44. Maxim Lapierre's gutless late hit on #81 last year
45. Mike Komisarek's eye gouge on Matt Hunwick
46. George Laraque's idle threats
47. They are the NHL team of choice for Vermont's dirty hippies
48. Most of their forwards aren't tall enough to ride most of the rides at the amusement park
49. Their fans think it is classy to boo the American national anthem
50. They undeservedly got a bunch of their players in the All-Star Game last year.
51. To quote Bill Burr: "their silly little fans who act like they live in Paris even though you can see the place from Vermont"
52. Celine Dion almost bought the team and nobody in Montreal seemed to be embarrassed about this
53. Habs fans boo Chara every time he touches the puck and even the most die hard Habs fan couldn't tell you why.
54. I need to use a passport and my poor high school French to see them play in Montreal
56. They used to employ Mike Ribiero (Timmy's pick)
57. They used to employ Shayne Corson (Timmy's pick)
58. Ryan O'Byrne's turtle move
59. Claude Lemieux gutless puke
61. Guy Carbonneau looks like a movie villain
62. They won the majority of their Stanley Cups in the Original 6 era
63. They thought Hal Gill was a solid off-season pick-up
64. "Too Many Men on The Ice"
65. Red, White, and Blue used to respectable colors
66. The Habs 164 different retro jerseys they have used to commemorate
67. This has been the longest "year" ever
68. Youppi That thing is just flat out creepy
69. They are owned by a Brewery, but they can't figure out how to control their team like Doug and Bob McKenzie in "Strange Brew"
70. They hate Michael Ryder
71. They are the only team to get Patrice Bergeron to drop the gloves
72. They cut Mr. Kathryn Tappen
73. Carey Price's haircut
74. Kovalev faking an injury in the 2004 playoffs
76. 1 beer per person limits at The Garden for B's-Habs games
78. The Habs went to a Christian retreat called "Teen Ranch" for team bonding
79. This Guy who took his wife's name and wears a personalized Habs jersey with his new last name on it.
81. Tom Kostopoulos' flying elbow
83. Glen Metropolit used to be a guy you could root for
84. No matter where the B's finish they always seem to draw the Habs
85. Because they are the Habs. You are supposed to hate them.