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From Bill Simmons' latest Mailbag: Q: Too bad you decided not to have break-up sex with the Boston...

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From Bill Simmons' latest Mailbag: Q: Too bad you decided not to have break-up sex with the Boston Bruins this year, isn't it? It's like an ex-girlfriend who switched to contacts from glasses, let her hair grow out and discovered aerobics. Now she's the hot girl at the bar. -- Alex, D.C. SG: Only I'm still taking medication for the VD she gave me. I'll be back for the playoffs. I always get sucked back in for the playoffs. Too many memories. And, by the way, I like to think of the Bruins as an ex-wife, not an ex-girlfriend. We're like the couple in the current "High School Reunion" season -- maybe we haven't been together for a few years, but we'll always have a spark even if she has a man's haircut and looks like she should be coaching third base for a college softball team. The truth is, the only reason the Bruins became competitive again is because the salary cap evened the odds for Jeremy "The Grinch" Jacobs. Nobody can outspend him anymore. The Bruins don't care about their fans any more than they did during the first 24 years of my life -- when they were bending my ankles back over my head more times than a Pilates instructor. Their fans deserve better regardless how this season turns out. As I have said a million times, as soon as the Grinch sells the team, they have me back 365 days a year. And not a moment sooner.