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Offseason Malarkey and Tomfoolery: Pick Your All-Time Movie Hockey Team


Since we are officially in the dog days of the NHL offseason, I thought we would do something fun and get the readers involved (read: lazy and uninspired filler content). Here is how this is going to work, you have to come up with a complete roster comprised of movie characters (real-life players don't count, so no "Miracle" players. Slap Shot characters who were also players are OK.). You need a coach, 4 lines of forwards, 3 defensive pairs, and 2 goalies. You can also assign a captain and 2 alternate captains. Have at it.

Here is my team (I kinda went nuts with it):

Line 1: Chris Pratt (The Lookout...pre-accident, of course) - Bobby Barbato (Miachael Keaton in "Touch and Go") - Connor Banks (Mystery, AK)

Line 2: Stevie Weeks (Mystery, AK) - Dean Youngblood - Jean LaRose ("Strange Brew)

Line 3: Derek Sutton (Patrick Swayzee in "Youngblood")  - Reg Dunlap - Gunner Stahl (D2)

Line 4: Jeff Hanson - Steve Hanson - Jack Hanson (You just can't split that line up)

D-Pair 1:  - Doug Dorsey (D.B. Sweeney in "The Cutting Edge"...pre-accident) - One of the big Inuit guys (Mystery, AK)

D-Pair 2: Tree Lane (Mystery, Alaska) - Clarence 'Screaming Buffalo' Swamptown ("Slapshot")

D-Pair 3: Dean Portman - Fulton Reed ("The Bash Brothers" from Mighty Ducks series)

Starting Goalie: Darren McCord (Jean-Claude Van Damme in "Sudden Death")

Backup Goalie: Heaver (Keenu Reeves in Youngblood)

Healthy Scrathes: Ogie Ogilthorpe ("Slap Shot"), Denis Lemieux ("Slap Shot"), Skank Martin ("Mystery, AK), & The monkey from "MVP" (who doesn't want to see a monkey ice skate?)

Coach: Judge Walter Burns (Burt Reynolds in Mystery Alaska)

Assistant Coaches: Murray Chadwick ("Youngblood") & Gordon Bombay

Captains: Reg Dunlap (C), Bobby Barbato (A), & Connor Banks (A)

Owner: Tibbles the Hendrix Hockey exec ("D2")

GM: Joe McGrath ("Slap Shot")

Equipment Manager: Jan (Mighty Ducks Series)

Housing Coordinator: Miss McGill ("Youngblood")

Director of Public Relations: Charles Danner (Hank Azaria in "Mystery, AK")

Play by Play Team: Jim Carr ("Slap Shot") and Hyannisport Announcer ("Slapshot")

Studio Analyst: Donnie Schulzhoffer (Mike Myers in Mystery, AK")

Team Bus Driver: Bus Driver from "Slap Shot"