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Kevin Hayes: A closer look at the poop heard 'round the world

NOTE: THIS POST IS FOR CHARITY. I'm participating in the Home Base Program's Run To Home Base and selling posts for $50. @Burntboats bought this one. You should buy one too.

noted stairwell pooper Kevin Hayes
noted stairwell pooper Kevin Hayes

Kevin Hayes has a pretty good life.

He was drafted 24th overall in the 2010 NHL Draft - four whole spots before the first future Boston University player, Charlie Coyle. And, he was drafted by the Stanley Cup Champion Chicago Blackhawks - the organization that also happened to draft his brother. Everything appeared to be coming up Millhouse. Things were good. He has 42 points in 75 career games for Boston College, two Beanpot championships, and he's cousins with Boston University superstar and NHL great Keith Tkachuk, so that's pretty cool.

He also participated in the NCAA championship win last year. Good job good effort.

Fast forward to tonight. It's the Hockey East semifinals. Boston College is taking on Boston University, in a battle of ancient college hockey rivals. It's the kind of game players at those two schools really get up for. And tonight is especially notable - it could be BU coach Jack Parker's last game, as he announced his retirement a few weeks ago.

Shockingly, standout right wing Kevin Hayes will be nowhere near the lineup tonight. But why? How? How could you miss such a pivotal, important game?

On February 16, a report from BC Interruption noted that Hayes was suspended indefinitely for a violation of team rules. Okay, no big deal, these things happen all the time, right? Tyler Seguin broke team rules and got suspended for a game in Winnipeg that one time, it was probably just something stupid, let's focus on the next game, right?

Not so fast, friend. In the comments of said BC Interruption post, the suspension was explained. From Tommykay:

So, a while back, our dorm received an email from the RD saying that she was extremely disappointed in us. The previous night somebody thought it’d be a great idea to take a shit in the main stairwell.

A friend of mine was at a part with Kevin at a party. Apparently he stumbled out drunk, took a dump on the stairwell. He fell asleep in the ground floor public bathrooms in Walsh. When he woke up, he was naked and had to walk back to Edmonds with a garbage bag on.

Most ill-timed poop ever, Hayes. Also, some of these details seem a little iffy: if he woke up naked in the public bathrooms, where did he get a garbage bag to wrap around himself like that? (ew).

Noted Boston University fans took this news and ran with it, as they do. Additionally, Blackhawks blog Hockeenight has spread the news of #poopgate among Blackhawks fans. And for good reason. If one of your top prospects is going to be running around drunk pooping in stairwells, you should probably make use of that information, right?

Hayes is actually out of the lineup tonight because he underwent surgery to release pressure on a contusion in his right quad - an injury he suffered during his first game back from a three-game suspension but maybe that inury wouldn't have happened if he hadn't missed three games. Or maybe it would have. Sucks for you, Hayes. Hopefully it will suck even more watching your team get ousted from Hockey East playoffs.

Let's go Terriers.