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BOMBING BEGINS IN 30 MINUTES: Soderberg Held Under Lock and Key by Swedish Thugs

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Carl Soderberg, picture taken today
Carl Soderberg, picture taken today

I never liked Sweden. Sure their beautiful women and their good economy and their delightfully fragile furniture are all nice and good, but who are they really? Honestly. They're this little country up north. Former USSR and you can't trust those types. No sir.

Carl Soderberg has been kidnapped by the SIHF and will be forced at gunpoint to play for the Tre Kronor (also a favorite of Daniel Alfredsson and what a dick that guy is.) This all probably goes back to Ulf Samuelsson's idiot drunken child running a car into a green line train last year.

It's revenge.

Yes, it's well documented that Sweden hates the city of Boston. The Sedins are from there, and they must just love Boston. So is Mattias Ohlund, who was on the Tampa team we beat in 2011. The aforementioned Ulf, of course, is no fan of the Athens of America. They let us have Axelsson and they regretted it ever since. Mats Sundin, maple leaf for so long, must not have any love for the team that consistently embarrasses his.

So they all got together and said "fuck Boston."

He's not coming. So the appropriate response has been prepared and drones are being scrambled as we speak.

Bombing begins in 30 minutes.