:format(webp)/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/13759285/167102414.0.jpg)
Usually, we're down with Americans here at Stanley Cup of Chowder. Sparkly Eagles, Freedom, and World Juniors Gold Medals are what we're all about. Today, however, we're going to make an exception for this guy: Brooks Orpik.
Orpik may be a good American, but we don't take kindly to Penguins around these here parts. Or Eagles, for that matter. Orpik played three years at Boston College approximately a life age ago, which makes him doubly an asshole. Or something.
He's not exactly known for putting up the highest numbers ever (he has a goal and an assist through eight games in the playoffs) and he has the worst regular-season Corsi Rel of all defensemen on the Penguins, but he logs the most ice time per game.
>
(Chart from Hockey Abstract, which is pretty awesome, you should check it out)
His Corsi On is pretty terrible as well, but that's a trend among all Penguins, and will be explained further in a later article. For a little perspective, though: Torey Krug's Corsi On is a whopping 32.21 through five playoff games. Dennis Seidenberg and Zdeno Chara sit a little lower at 16.21 and 14.11 respectively.
Orpik? -8.49. Yeah. Not good.
He's not on twitter, but he does have a cardboard cutout of himself that the Penguins actually use at practice??? Interesting. Apparently it's made regular appearances with the team and even has its own twitter account. Congratulations, Brooks: a cardboard cutout of yourself is more interesting than you.
Cardboard Brooks Orpik has just arrived. He's wearing black. instagram.com/p/Zx-XToOpLY/
— Pittsburgh Penguins (@penguins) May 26, 2013
And now you better know a dumb Penguin. Also, BC sucks. Deal with it.