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Better Know a Dumb Jerk: Andrew Shaw

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Oh, boy, Shaw's diving all over the place already.
Oh, boy, Shaw's diving all over the place already.
Rick Osentoski-USA TODAY Sports

Starting Wednesday night, the newest fanbase that decides Brad Marchand is The Dirtiest Player in the Entire NHL will be those lovely residents of Chicago and those just beyond that dumpy city in the Land part of Chicagoland. With the Bruins and the Blackhawks meeting in the Stanley Cup final, it's important to get to know some of the players on each side. For Hawks fans, a player they'll get to know awfully quick is our beloved little asshole skating just to Patrice Bergeron's left.

Marchand's success, of course, has inspired a series of impersonators. Low-rent rip-offs of the only real -- and good -- agitator in the National Hockey League. For the ol' Blackhawks, it's Mr. Andrew Shaw. He of the Face that Resembles Curt Schilling's Bloody Sock. No. 65 in the Racist Sweater will do his best to elbow and prod his way under the skin of the entire Bruins roster just as he did to the Wild, Red Wings and Kings before it.

Now, we all know how well teams do when they try to out-Bruin the Bruins. It gets even more laughable when the player charged with doing so has a nickname as stupid and unoriginal as "Shawzer." His name doesn't sound like "laser" or "razor," so it's an especially fun example of the idiocy of Blackhawks fans and the rest of those rubes in the Midwest.

On Sunday, Shaw proclaimed that he wasn't too concerned with the Bruins and that all he and his teammates can do is "prepare for war." Aside from the blatant affront to the women and men in uniform that his comments present, it also says he and his dumb jerk teammates plan to play right into the Bruins' hands.

Shawzer's Twitter account offers even more great examples of his lunacy and the Blackhawks' mediocrity.

Took more than four games to get out of the West. Losers. Also, note his Twitter handle. Genius doesn't even know what number he wears.

Terrible at spelling. Awful taste in movies. Dummy.

But, at least, he's good at foreshadowing. This tweet inspired by every time he and his teammates attempt to rush the net.