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Better Know a Dumb Jerk: Patrick Kane

By Cornelius Hardenbergh
Elsa

Patrick Kane is a dumb jerk. No really, he is. There was the time he punched a cab driver from Buffalo over 20 cents. I don't really count the "drunk in public" incidents as a negative because, well, as Boston Sports Fans...we've all been there. But he is from Buffalo. Buffalo, NY. Where everyone's a dumb jerk. Seriously, most of them are Bills fans, too. fate worse than death.

Kane spent all lockout playing at EHC Biel with our own Tyler Seguin. They did pretty well together. Hopefully TyTy knows all of Kane's tricks and can help shut him down. You know, tricks like "shoot the puck ridiculously well." What an asshole. A real team player, too. Here's Jonathan Toews talking about how he is:

Yep, didn't even care about the goal. Selfish.

Kane is well known for chewing on his mouthguard like an idiot. It's there to protect your brain against concussions, moron. And to keep your teeth in place. Kane of all people should worry about protecting what passes for his face. Of course, if anyone tries to grab his mouthpiece, well...linesmen pop out of the ether to stop it:

Huo1m_medium

Protected.

Kane is the highest-scoring American in the league in the time since he entered it. It's not close. Zach Parise is 70 points behind him over that time, and in second. Of course, that's what happened when you get to ridiculously stack teams like Chicago's been able to do. He's a talented winger, that's for sure. Just not anything less than a dumb jerk.

I wonder if Tyler Seguin still thinks Kane has a "dirty sick flow"