clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

29 Teams We Hate: Anaheim Ducks

Bruce Bennett

Fuck the Ducks. Hey, it rhymes! Which is good, because the Ducks are so insignificant that it's hard to come up with things to hate about them. Hell, this article was supposed to go up a week ago but we just didn't have any content. Let's see if we can't find something, though.

Corey Perry

Corey Perry is an asshole. It's true. Ask anyone out in the far reaches of the wilderness, fighting for Manifest Destiny. Just ask Jason Zucker, if he even remembers this hit. Hate Minnesota? Fine. Here he is spearing Nashville Predators goalie Pekke Rinne right in the balls. Maybe you're a Red Wings fan who's checking in before the preseason game today. Well, one time he fought Pavel Datsyuk. Pavel. Datsyuk. Datsyuk fights approximately nobody. Well, there was one other time. Against Scott Neidermeyer on the Ducks in the 2009 playoffs. Whatever, it's too easy to get trapped in Pavel Datsyuk worship. League Narratives are the worst. Fuck Corey Perry.

Plus, one time he scored this goal against us:

Screw You, Corey.

Ryan Getzlaf

The only player in the NHL who's balding faster than Phil Kessel is Ryan Getzlaf. It's kinda ridiculous. I can't hate him forever because his brother is a Saskatchewan Roughrider, but Getzlaf has been part of a few teams that I thought were pretty shit. Like Team Canada, for one. On team Canada, he is known for taking out Slovakian superstar Juraj Mikus. Oh right, Mikus isn't a superstar at all. And now his knee is in pieces because Ryan Getzlaf felt like it. It's not his first dirty hit. I'm no Canucks fan, nor a Dan Hamhuis fan, but look at this obvious trailing elbow. Messier-esque. A bald guy with elbows. Yep, pretty much the same guy.

Cap Circumvention

Way back before back-diving contracts and the Kovalchuk settlement, the Ducks played the cap circumvention game. Around the time they won the cup, the ducks told Teemu Selanne and Scott Neidermeyer to stay home for half the season, hand-waving it away with "I don't know if they want to play this year yet or what" and then smugly signing them mid-season. Gave the Ducks cap room and the old men time to rest. No wonder they won. Cheaters.

Saku Koivu

Fuck you for everything, Saku. No reason not to hate the lesser Koivu. I mean, he did captain the habs for a little while and scored some stupid goals. Fuck him.

In the end, there are a couple of hate-able players, a hate-able cap strategy, and a former Chris Pronger Stomping. Well, at least we'll always have breaking Teemu Selanne: