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29 Teams We Hate: Washington Capitals

Chip Somodevilla

2013-2014 marks Alexander Ovechkin's ninth season as a Washington Capital. In those nine years, the Caps have advanced to the Eastern Conference Finals exactly zero (0) times.

Let's go for 9-0! Ovechtrick! Ovechtrick!

That's the Washington Capitals for you, folks. For all their flair, all of their hype, all of their insufferable Geico commercials, we inevitably end up talking about how disappointing they were each and every off-season.

It's a culture of mediocrity down in the Nation's capital, and it starts at the top. You may be familiar with their perpetually tan owner Ted Leonsis from one of his several thousand awkward smiling photos. Then again he could easily be mistaken for that used car salesman who promised to get you a great deal on a '97 Honda Civic.

The on-ice product is no less unfortunate. Despite the constant glorification of their superstar player (and the NHL's first cap-circumventing $100 million man), the Caps have very little show for their efforts: a meaningless President's Trophy earned in 2010 just before they were eliminated in the first round by the eighth seeded Montreal Canadiens, and eight division championships that they embarrassingly celebrate on opening nights on a regular basis.

Then, of course, there are the fans. Those "red rockin'" bandwagoners who had no clue their city had a team prior to the mid-2000s, yet who clamor for whatever it is they believe the trophy in the sport of hockey is called.

Of course, not all of the fault can be placed on the shoulders of these poor misguided fans. The NHL and NBC really have no clue how to market any teams other than Pittsburgh, Detroit, and Washington. So while the rest of us lose interest in the "great" Crosby vs. Ovechkin storyline by mid-November, Caps fans are led to believe that this is something that's actually up for debate. As if the entire hockey world doesn't universally agree that Sidney Crosby is inherently a more skilled hockey player than their Alex The Gr8.

Thankfully for the rest of us, there are some positives that come from the Caps' overexposure. For instance we get to realize how much of an immature, over-privileged baby their 28 year old captain is.

"Well, of course my family is the most important thing for me right now. I think when I'm gonna find a wife, of course I'm gonna live with her but right now...who gonna cook? Who gonna clean my stuff? I'm not."- Alex Ovechkin

So rejoice, Caps fans. Your superstar will get to continue to selfishly rack up points in front of a mediocre defense and continuos carousel of netminders through the year 2021. Just imagine how many more division championship banners you'll be able to raise by then!!