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Mid-Season Report Cards: The Goalies

backstoppers, goalies, goalkeepers, keepers, puck battlers, Tuukka and the Chad

Just a couple of goalies, hanging out.
Just a couple of goalies, hanging out.
Tom Szczerbowski-USA TODAY Sport

You want some damn goalie grades? Okay here's your fucking goalie grades. Let's get this out of the way, I've got crimes to commit. Methodology: Grading on a curve, motherfuckers. And no, not a curve of just Rask and Johnson. That's an easy one.

  • Tuukka Rask: "Looks like an A to me!"
  • Chad Johnson: F (womp womp)

No no, we're curving it with all goalies. Well, each stat is graded on a curve of all goalies with 5GP (plus niklas svedberg) Then those grades are averaged out. Then those three final grades are curved among the three. Got it? Good.

So here's their report card. I expect you to get this signed by your parents and return it to me by the end of the week! Don't like it? Write your own damn grades.

Tuukka Rask

He's fucking great. Seriously doing the lord's work. Whatta guy. You know what they say - "Want to win? Hire a Finn" Let's talk grades:

Tuukka Rask Grade Stat
GP B 39
EVSV% B 0.942
PPSV% C 0.871
SHSV% C 0.846
TotSV% B 0.93
GAA C 2.08
SO A 5
Points D 1

Total Grade: B-

Curved: A

Notes: Top of the class, just like I was saying!

Hi, I'm Chad Johnson

A serviceable backup. AHL Superstar. Once cried blood. Might be a vampire like Sidney Crosby. Maybe. Maybe not!

Chad Johnson Grade Stat
GP C 14
EVSV% C 0.929
PPSV% C 0.895
SHSV% D 0.786
TotSV% C 0.918
GAA C 2.3
SO C 0
Points F 0

Grade: C

Curved: D

Notes: Curved grade is probably pretty harsh considering how well he's actually been doing. There are just a lot of Cs on the stat grade curve, okay?

Niklas Svedberg

We saw him once for just over 60 minutes. His grade is really "incomplete" but here's what he would get.

Niklas Svedberg Grade Stat
GP F 1
EVSV% B 0.938
OTSV% n/a 0
TotSV% B 0.943
GAA B 1.97
SO C 0
Points F 0

Grade: C+

Curved: C

Notes: Needs to work on attendance. Shows promise, otherwise.

Author's Note: Yes, this is a very flawed method but it's measuring and vaguely almost scientifiahahahahahahaha nah this is really kind of embarassing but I didn't have time to really look at it in depth enough to do this right. Here's the spreadsheet I did this all in. Apologies to the stat-minded for my trespasses.

In Chara We Trust.