Better Know a Dumb Jerk: Danny "Not Nick Lidstrom" DeKeyser

The roster page for the Detroit Red Wings lists Danny "Not Nicklas Lidstrom" DeKeyser as a defenseman that came out Western Michigan University. That right there is your first red flag, along with the fact that "Danny DeKeyser" is a clearly made up name by some nerd who has a fetish for alliteration.

Secondly, out of all the NCAA, Mr. Not Lidstrom decided to play for a university who's one claim to fame is Keith effing Jones? Come on now.

DeKeyser is a player who can be described with a lot of "nots." He's NOT Nick Lidstrom, he went to NOT Michigan (Not even Michigan State), and he's NOT good at hockey.

In reality, NNL was clearly an experiment to clone the real Nick Lidstrom, and it failed miserably. The Wings almost got away with it too. They gave him size, a shot, and a ready-made rags to riches story that falls right into that obnoxious "THE WINGS FIND THE DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH" narrative.

They would have finished the job but the scientists hard at work somewhere in Argentina were busted and after that...well the CIA files get a heavy redaction job.

So since the money was spent, and the effort was made, they figured FUCK IT might as well run with what we got. So the cover story was built.

NNL played three ok season at Western Michigan and went undrafted (RED FLAG) only to be picked up by his hometown Wings (ANOTHER RED FLAG) as a "highly sought after" college free agent (SERIOUSLY, CAN YOU NOT SEE THIS?) and then thrown into the playoffs to cries of "Guys, look at how good we are at finding talent."

Thing is, "talent" is a dead even 49% Corsi For, and and -4.3% Corsi rel. Think about that, when NNL is on the ice the opposition get 4.3 more shots than the Wings, they do worse with him on.

But for real guys, look at Kenny's system. Do you know how many presidents we've had since the last time the Wings missed the playoffs?

Spare us, please.

Thankfully, if big ol Not Nick Lidstrom gets those big minutes he doesn't deserve then they'll be right back out anyway.

Then we'll get to hear about how secretly great whatever late first round pick the Wings pick up at the draft is and the fucking obnoxious winged wheel keeps rolling.

Seriously, don't believe the hype.