Let's face it: the start of this Bruins season hasn't exactly been thrilling. Sloppy defeats, terrible defense, inept offense...we've seen it all.
However, the Bruins' most formidable foe hasn't been the Jets, Habs, Lightning or Avs (lol). It hasn't even been their own defense. No, the Bruins' biggest foe has been...PARKING UNDERNEATH THE EARTH!!!!!!
There are plenty of options when it comes to parking at Bruins games. You can roll the dice and hope for a meter. You can park in a surface lot and walk a few blocks. If you only want to see the second half of the game, you can take the T. Or, you can park in the Garden's garage, a massive complex that extends deep into the Jacobs' underground lair.
On StubHub, one of the more popular ticket reselling sites, there's a battle for the ages being waged: Bruins ticket prices vs. Bruins parking pass prices.
Think of the excitement of a Bruins game: The roar of the crowd, the energy in the arena, the glimmer of hope before crushing disappointment. There's nothing like it.
Then again, parking UNDERNEATH THE EARTH has its perks: The constant left turns. Never knowing if there's a car coming around the corner. Filling out the mortgage forms to pay your fee. The faint smell of urine. Ah, memories.
In the interest of hard-hitting journalism, let's take a look at how these battles are going.
Bruina vs. Flyera: Advantage Hockey
This one's close, but in the end, hockey prevails. You know what pushed it over the top? The thought of REMALDO dispensing his heart and grit all over his former team.
Bruins vs. Coyotes: Advantage Parking
Who wants to watch Anthony Duclair and Max Domi when you could watch two rich guys in Escalades from Brookline fight over that last "Compact Cars Only" spot?!?!
Bruins vs. Stars: Advantage Parking
It would probably be less upsetting to watch someone break into your car than to watch Tyler Seguin run roughshod through a Miller - Irwin pairing.
Bruins vs. Avalanche: Advantage Hockey
Well duh, why watch concrete when you can watch CARL?
Bruins vs. Red Wings: Advantage Hockey
It's tough, because Pavel Datsyuk is a treat to watch, but the attendant who presses the button to open the parking gate has been called the "Pavel of Parking." Call this one a push.
Bruins vs. Sharks: Advantage Parking
"Shuld of nevar traed martin jons," he said, rocking back in forth in his '99 Camry.
Note: It's likely that these parking passes are for the surface lot in front of the Garden. However, that's not as fun as parking underground, so creative liberties were taken.