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Drunken Diary: Coyotes @ Bruins

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Rask me no questions...

Take your "goaltending controversy" and shove it!
Take your "goaltending controversy" and shove it!
Matt Kartozian-USA TODAY Sports

Chowder, it's been a while since we've made a Drunken Diary entry, which is pretty strange given what last twelve months of Bruins hockey (and hockey ops) have been like. We thought we'd give it another shot and see what you think. Drunken Diary will be part of the Leftover Chowder stream, which will cover the game thread, and other fun things you find in your Chowder.

7:00- Game time. Just walked through the door - long day, but hey, I have wine. Where the hell did I leave the wine key? Roomie just showed up; apparently now WE have wine. Tonight's selection is pretty solid. Roommate is ready, I'm ready, let's hope the B's are rea-a-hahahahahaha... right.

7:07- Alyssa Somethingorother is antheming for us. She's no Rene, but our ears aren't bleeding.

She'll do, I guess.

7:09- A quick post-anthem preview - Phoenizona beat Toronto last night, blah blah, Max Domi's homecoming, he scored, although I'm sure TO fans would rather he stuck to rearranging faces in true Albanian Assassin style than - gasp - scoring against them - but you can't win 'em all... especially if you're a Leafs fan.  Anyway, Smith had 24 saves and zero butt goals in Toronto. Tuukka, as don't need to be reminded, has only won once this season, and it wasn't at home. Your goaltending controversy can kiss my ass.

7:11- KREJCASTRNAKINTOSMIIIIIIIIIII  - gahh! Also, what the hell is a Klas? I mean, I keep hearing that the Bruins are Klasless, but I didn't know it was meant so literally.

7:15- Jack maintains that Chris Kelly is valuable despite the cap hit everyone keeps talking about. Jack is right. If you disagree, shut your face. My roommate is on the fence and unsure whether to cast Kelly off with the wind, or whether to have some cheese curls. Cheese curls are obviously the answer.

Jack is probably going to cause Twitter to implode due to Chris Kelly dollar-per-point math in American dollars, Canadian dollars, Rubles, and wampum. Uh oh.

7:17 - Ryan Spooner is centering Jimmy Hayes and Matt Beleskey. People think this isn't a good idea. I think it could be because Spoons is lightning quick, Beleskey can make room, and Hayes has great hands and could come up huge in front of the net, but who knows. We could be looking at a -12 and a 8-0 loss. We'll see how I feel about it tomorrow, but right now they're making some nice passes. Roomie has never heard of Beleskey, but says she likes this like.

7:23- David Pastrnak makes people do bad things, or makes people get caught doing bad things. Moral of the story: Dahlbeck is Klasless. OR IS HE?  PP, 2 minutes. Klas looks dejected. He should be ashamed for not rolling out the red carpet and letting The Legend prance to the net.

THE ENSUING PP: Phoenizona blocks all the shots and now we're in our own zone, and back out. Looked like a decent chance, but Bergy bobbled, annnnd, nothing. Listen, he can't be perfect ALL THE TIME, it would make the other players feel bad.

PP is over, Spooner is now skating with Randell and Hayes, What in tarnation is this?!  Hopefully just a line change, because I don't even...

7:35- Randell be rushin', not to be confused with Koko's brand of Russian. OUR FACEPUNCHYGRITMEISTER IS MORE USEFUL THAN YOURS, Phoenizona!  Muppet Colin Miller lands in the box for being Downy Fresh, or fresh to Downie, or... something. Infractions against that guy count?

7:39- Roomie finished her wine and has moved on to Harpoon IPA, and is now chanting, or something: "PK, don't suck!  PK, don't suck..."  ...I don't know, I just live here. KevAn just did the ol' McQuaid clear-the-puck-over-the-glass trick, but luckily wasn't successful. The Millers almost got us coming and going. Woof.

PK OVER, VULNERABLE MINUTE - KREJCI SCORES ON A 2-on-1 and she says, "I told you he should live here!" - she's talking about David Krejci. In our apartment. Living on our couch.

"Smith is worried about the backhand pass," - maybe he should be worried about the friggin' Matrix. Just saying. Get your priorities in order, Smitty.

8:00- Second period approaching. We are pouring more wine and cooking omelets. Roommate wants to know, would you rather have no internet, or no cell phone?  I chose no cell phone. The 90s weren't so bad... as long as you're not the Bruins.

8:06- Lots of zone time, and nothing. Out and back in, Pastrnak gets all swirly and twirly, and ...no. It's not manicotti night at the Garden. Back in the other end and Tuukka makes a magnificent save - HE STILL DOES THAT, GUYS. Shut up. Speaking of shutting up, the roommate is talking about the greatness of Tim Thomas, and how she's unsure Tuukka will put together such a run. I don't think she meant it in the "can't win the big game, hurr durr" kind of way, but UGH. Anyway, the save was a beauty.

8:11- Four minutes into the second and the Coyotes are outshooting the Bruins 5-1. Doesn't feel that way, Bruins putting on a little pressure in the offensive zone, but meh. Nada.

BERGERON ALONG THE GOAL LINE AND SSMITH - PINNNNNNNNNG!

COLIN MILLER BEATS SMITH AND PINNNNNNNNG!

Seriously. I can't take the pings; the Ode to May 2014 is too much for me to handle. Shellshocked.

Pastrnak to Krejci with another chance, and these guys are gonna be fun to watch for the next couple centuries. Ridiculous. What is in the Czech water?  And did I see McQuaid just slewfoot Pastrnak? I thought he only injured himself accidentally... unless it's no accident?

8:15- Beleskey, Spooner, and Hayes at it again, flying through the neutral zone, and WOOOO JIMMY MAYS HAYES! And she spilled her beer. I also need to fill my glass again. I mention Jimmy Mays Hayes and now she wants to know: who would I rather go home with: Tom Berenger playing Jake Taylor, or Charlie Sheen as Ricky Vaughn?  Obviously Berenger. Come on.

Quaider lands in the box because John Scott, We could have said the Coyotes were not Klassless, but they have Downie and Scott on the ice, so there's that, Anyway, another PK.

8:21- Rieder accidentally tips Kevan Miller while heading to the end boards, and Agent 86 is done for the night. Guessing Zach Trotman won't be on nacho duty Friday. I will refrain from further comment.

8:24- 4 on 4. Bergy to Marshy to Smith's chest protector! Out of the zone, Marchand streaks up the left wing and now the post is singing the song of his people and my roommate is a heap of useless on the floor because Brado failed to put the biscuit in the basket.

And now a five second power play, GO GO GO!    They didn't go.

On the plus side, Colin Miller making decent plays tonight, clears the zone efficiently. Imagine one of our defensemen going north-south? Crazytown.

8:37- OEL gets close to Connolly.

Another power play!

Top PP unit gets me hot and bothered. I could watch them skate and pass all day long. i used the word "rotate" and now roommate is talking about tornadoes. Specifically, an impending sharknado. This is a legitimate concern in South Boston, as we're right on the water. Unfortunately, I have no safety tips for what to do if you're caught in a Sharknado.

8:42- AND A GOOD MORROW TO YOU, SIR!  Joe Morrow just scored a beauty and we were loud enough for the people upstairs (relatives) to ask if we were okay. Morrow to Beleskey to Morrow is a thing of beauty that should be cherished.

Hi Joe Morrow pic.twitter.com/bHYQ75btp0

...Still don’t know how to rationalize this power play. How do you? I’m not used to this. Do you treat it like a car?  "Well, she’s been in the shop the last five years, but now she purrs like a kitten!"? I have no idea.

9:04- Third period, already!  Patrice Bergeron to Brett Connolly and ...almost. AHH!

9:09- Quaider just smudged Rieder in the corner. Maroon everywhere. I heard a whimpering in the distance.

9:11- Roomie: "Did he just say Bergeron is taking the faceoof against Boy George? DO YOU REALLY WANT TO HURT ME? Karma, karma, karma, karman and win this draw..."  She's here all week, folks. By the way, it was Boyd Gordon.

TOO MUCH MAN, and Pastrnak is serving the penalty, which will be futile, as The Legend cannot be contained. AZ PP gets some zone time, but can't get it together, some kind of Keystone cop type shit - what kind of PP is this? What are they doing? It's called Bruins, Oh wait, but it isn't!

9:17- Dahlbeck misses a pass, Hayes and Beleskey on the loose - these guys look like they weren't both acquired just this summer. Like whoa.

"John Scott goes out of his way to announce himself" - I'm not sure a seven foot tall caveman really goes unnoticed.  Is that an ugly solar eclipse? Nope, just John Scott. Move along.

Tyler Randell's head pops off, he doesn't care - RISE AND GRIND, KIDS! Guy loves the corners. It's a dirty job, but somebody's gotta do it.

9:22- SEVEN MORE DOG GOALS! Rommate just howled and has no concept of this SCOC meme. Brett Connolly is a friggin' sniper and is meant to play on this line.

John Scott thinks Adam McQuaid is going to fight him. John Scott is as dumb as he looks. McQuaid seems to think it's hilarious. Jack Edwards is more disgusted by Scott's presence than all of us combined, it seems. Fairly certain Jack believes Scott shot the Archduke Ferdinand. Scott is ejected because Jack Edwards hates him and also because he's an idiot. The Arizona Coyotes instantly improve as a team.

AND ON THE RESULTING PP, Marshy goes high stick side and snipes!  BOOM SHAKA LAKA! This "power play goal" invention has really changed hockey for the better.

QUOTAAAAAAAAAA - Krejci makes it and is now leading the league in awesome. When was the last time the Bruins made quota? The Middle Ages? The Cold War? Who cares, quota is back, to bpen's dismay, and Rask was great tonight and was rewarded with both goal support AND a shutout - like, whoa. Finally, a win at home, and the other team was dominated. We've been waiting for this team to show up. It Tuuk them long enough.