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The Boston Bruins Quarter Quell, Part 2: The Battle Begins

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You've voted for the tributes! You've found your comfy seat! Now, which 35 people lose, or who wins?!

Perry Nelson-USA TODAY Sports

It's the moment you've been waiting for! Unfortunately, due to space constraints, this series will be presented in three parts, so your bets will likely not but resolved until tomorrow. Don't go away, though, as you wouldn't want to miss the opening rounds!

The Bloodbath (Round One): We start off with a blast, as our tributes enter the arena. Mainly, there's a lot of running. This includes Milan Lucic and Dale Weise chickening out of Possible Epic Confrontation No. 1:

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So it looked like we might be in for a quiet first round. But things escalated a bit towards the end:

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Okay, things are getting a bit feisty here. Ferlin and Cunningham sort of recreate their fight for a roster spot, only Ferlin gets the worst of it this time. District 2's two younger tributes are fighting over a bag.

Thanks that trickster Reilly Smith, we have our first fatality. Jeez, Reilly, that was pretty mean. Though, I mean, I guess I understand, given that it was Emelin and he did go after you first and, unlike in Hockey, their are no retaliatory penalties.

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WHOA. I feel as if we underestimated the lengths David Krejci would go to in order to make sure that 2C spot is his. Tyler Seguin's robot avenger bites the dust.

In other news, Niklas Svedberg, who killed a third of the participants in my twitter test-run, is making a molotov. So is Adam McQuaid. Notably, Peter Chiarelli grabbed a first aid kit and ran for the woods.

~

Day 1 (Round 2):

I...I'm just going to leave this here. This is randomly generated, I'm not tampering.

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Other people are busy doing useful things. Dennis Seidenberg has made a sling shot. Max Talbot has headed for higher ground. Tuukka Rask has discovered shelter in the form of a cave. Brian Ferlin discovers a river that Torey Krug is apparently already fishing at. Brian Ferlin practices his archery. Brad Marchand is looking for water.

However, there's a good amount of injures, too:

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Goddammit Krejci, another injury?

Daniel Paille also sprains his ankle, running from David Pastrnak. Patrice Bergeron is running away, too...

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...but for some odd reason, he isn't injured in doing so. Hard to say what the difference is, really.

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Chara is trying to get Weise before Lucic can, Craig Cunningham sucks at gardening, Svedberg is afraid of Therrien apparently, McQuaid's sponsor has apparently never watched him skate, and Smith is, wouldn't you know it, looking for a new place to live!

END OF DAY 1. Deaths: Mecha-Seguin, Alexei Emelin, Zach Trotman...

Wait, Trotman's dead? Hold up a sec. When did that happen and how?!

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ON THE FIRST DAY?!!

Night 1 (Round 3):

After the cannons go off three times to announce the deaths of the Seguinbot, Emelin, and Trotman, we get back to checking on our brave tributes:

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McQuaid totally just used his molotov to cook dinner.

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JEEZ. Krug settles Julien's nemesis problem for him quicky, and Svedberg is utterly merciless. Sveddy is refusing to end it all for Kelly despite him asking politely (though if Chris's inteviews are any indication, he probably can't speak Swedish).

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I'm dying. Give me a moment.

Okaaaaaaay, so Warsofsky and Pastrnak are cuddling. Miller and Talbot scream "DEATH TO THE ROOKIE" and kill Spooner. Claude and Chia have teamed up with Rask, hoping he'll save their lives in addition to lots of puck and, you know, their franchise!

This is probably the weirdest it gets. Reilly Smith is screaming for help. Checks out. Greg Campbell and Dennis Seidenberg are thinking about winning. Nice. Joe Morrow has a truce with Bretty Connolly for the night. Marchand and Krejci pass out from exhaustion. Cam Neely is quietly humming. Matt Fraser sets up a camp (probably at the other circle, waiting for a pass). All pretty believable events. Such a degree of normalcy has settled on the other Bruins that Bergeron is doing his typical super-nice things!

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Aww. Even in a zero-sum, winner-take-all, back-to-the-wall slaughterfest, Patrice is perfect. Wait, was that a noise?

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RIP Yeti.

~

Day 2 (Round 4): We start off the day with some of life's little touching moments, such as Matt Fraser tending to ex-teammate Brad Marchand's wounds, and Torey Krug is happily skipping along...

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...killing Peter Chiarelli.

Well, that'll teach the boss to give Smith more money and another year!

This round gets crazy pretty fast...yadda yadda Cunningham has a wooden spear, Subban looking for water, other people exploring and such, and then this:

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"Please just kill me, Brett."

"I can't, Reilly."

"Why the hell not?"

(deep sigh) "I was going to, but the Bruins are sponsoring you for two more years..."

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*spits drink*

Weise is definitely hiding in plain sight, as the last living member of District 11. And let's face it, McQuaid just tripped and died while Talbot was talking to him.

Okay, let's check in on Talbot's District 4 buddy, Dan Paille!

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*Paille wildly swings hatchet at David Warsofsky, Warsofsky wisely imitates an open net, Paille hits a nearby tree*

And Kelly? Campbell? You guys figured out a plan yet?

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Nope.

And finally, let's make sure Claude out and about.

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Okay universe, I've had about enough your bull.

END OF DAY 2. Deaths: Therrien, Spooner, Soderberg, Chiarelli, McQuaid.

Districts 1, 4, 5, 7, and 12 still have all three members. District 11, which no one likes anyway, is the only group to have lost more than one member. We press on.

~

NIGHT 2 (Round 6):

WARNING. I experienced extreme amounts of amusement over this round.

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Kekekekkekekkeke

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"Remember that time I scored on a breakaway?"

"Remember the time where I was tall?"

Campbell and Eriksson have a one-night truce, as do Kelly and Svedberg. David Pastrnak receives some food from a sponsor, likely because everyone likes him. Subban has a hatchet, Connolly is thinking about home. Some of our brave tributes experience sleep-related issues:

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It is official: I can do something which Cam Neely cannot.

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Given the type of music Rask is known to listen to, wouldn't not singing at all be a much more likely avenue towards some shuteye?

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"I dreamed that I looked like a Gremlin, that the Bruins killed my coach and teammate, and that my name was an anagram for 'Wee Ladies'!"

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Where others saw nothing but hatred, they found love.

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THOSE HABS FANS WERE RIGHT ABOUT HIM THIS WHOLE TIME!!

~

END OF PART 1. Deaths: the eight tributes mentioned above, plus Claude.

Stay tuned for the epic conclusion, now that the Quell's opening rounds have separated the competent from the tragically-not-so-much brigade!