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Is David Pastrnak legendary? MY COLUMN:

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It's time to answer this burning question.

Rick Osentoski-USA TODAY Sports

The other day, Chris wrote a piece on the productivity of the Bruins' top two lines, and how that productivity compares to other lines around the league. The piece featured a lot of numbers, some solid statistical analysis and was generally well-reasoned.

HOWEVER, some people took issue with this post. Instead of changing the name of the post, we are petitioning SBN to change our site name to Stanley Cup of NOT WORTH MY TIME. However, it depends on whether or not the domain name "StanleyCupOfNOTWORTHMYTIME.com" is taken.

This dissent raises an important question, one of the biggest of our time. No, not whether or not a hot dog is a sandwich (it is). The question: is David Pastrnak legendary?

LET'S FIND OUT.

We'll use a series of advanced stats, inferences and analyses to answer this question, once and for all. Each aspect of LEGENDARITY (This is a word now. Uhhhh...it was an editing issue.) will be rated on a scale of 1 - 5 Pastrnaks. At the end, we'll tally up the total number of Pastrnaks to determine whether or not he's truly legendary.

1) Legendarity/60 (L/60)

This metric measures an individual's legendarity per 60 minutes of life. It takes many different things into consideration.

WOW. As you can see, Pastrnak's L/60 was registering BEFORE HE WAS BORN. This is truly remarkable. Let's see how he stacks up against other legendary people. TIME Magazine released a list of history's 100 most significant figures in history. You Won't Believe What You Read Next:

In the words of Jack Edwards, "THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!"

PASTRNAKS:

2) Hilarity

Pastrnak is just the best for ongoing entertainment of all kinds. Like this:

PASTRNAKS:

3) Trolling Malcolm Subban

His troll game is so great that legendary almost isn't enough to describe it.

Gameday

A photo posted by David Pastrnak (@davidpastrnak) on

Little kid is here

A photo posted by David Pastrnak (@davidpastrnak) on

Caption, in case it doesn't post: "Little kid is here "

PASTRNAKS:

4) Hockeying

He is quite great at this hockeying thing.

PASTRNAKS:

5) Testimonials

You don't have to take my word for it. See what these legendary figures had to say about Pastrnak's legendarity.

"When I'm sad, I stop being sad and be Pastrnak instead."

-Neil Patrick Harris

"There goes my hero. Watch him as he goes. There goes my hero, he's Pastrnak."

-Foo Fighters

"I know a thing or two about sports, and this kid is the real deal. He's probably a better basketball player than me."

-Michael Jordan

"I want to be David Pastrnak when I grow up."

-Wayne Gretzky

"He is score."

-Evgeni Malkin

PASTRNAKS:

The verdict...

After hours of hard-hitting, cumbersome research, the answer is clear:

David Pastrnak is, in fact, legendary.

We're glad we've settled this debate, once and for all.