The Following is a joke at the expense of the Montreal Canadiens...
Quebec hockey fans are reeling today as Al Montoya, Montreal Canadiens backup goaltender, requested extradition and immediate asylum from playing anymore games for the Montreal Canadiens and from Quebec in general following a 10-0 beatdown from the Columbus Blue Jackets.
"You can't make me go back out there." A hysterical, pale and disheveled Montoya said to reporters before breaking down sobbing and running to the arms of the nearest one. "I tried my best and kept playing like a good sport but the pucks just kept coming. It was like they were hazing me, but all the players stayed out there." He then curled up into a ball, sat in the corner of the room and began shouting "The ice goes on forever" as loudly as he could before breaking into sobs for the second time reporters could see.
Fans on the scene, while a little confused why an Illinois native would request asylum from his own home country, were understanding.
"It was really something else." Dan Bronson, an Akron native and season ticket holder for the Blue Jackets. "After the nineth goal and he didn't get pulled I was honestly starting to feel sorry for the guy. The Habs just left him to rot out there. I definitely don't blame him for wanting out of there. I just didn't think he'd go all the way to the Feds for it."
The Canadiens themselves were split on the matter. Players like Alex Galchenyuk and Brendan Gallagher expressed support for Montoya, but stated that they disagreed with his decision. Shea Weber said nothing, only staring at Montoya for a minute or two then shaking his head. Carey Price expressed sympathy.
"I've been in rough games like this before but this? This was something otherworldly. I was ready to bail him out after the sixth goal but Therrien didn't even look at me. I had to sit out there and look at the team just get worse and worse. It was like watching a person bleed out."
Coach Therrien on the other hand, was much less sympathetic.
"I think he's just overreacting." he said. "I think we got away from our game, and that our skill players really didn't show up to make this better for us. I think Montoya just didn't put enough respeck in our game or his. We need him to be better. Like Carey is."
Price made no follow up statement to Therrien's comments, only requesting directions to the nearest bar.
The State Department has not made an official response yet to the request, but given his scenario it seems generally unlikely for the US to ignore it, given the seriousness of the situation after last night's game in Columbus.
We at SCOC will continue to monitor the situation presuming we manage to stop laughing at the fact that the Habs took a 10-0 thundering at the hands of a John Tortorella coached Columbus Blue Jackets.