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Shuld the Bruins of kept Martan Jones? MY COLUMN

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Im just gonna say it because everyone is thinking it: YUP

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Last nite in the City of Angles, the Bruins saw their past future. In between the pipes was their franchise goalie, turning away lots of shots from guys from that country music place. But it was the goalie who was making beautiful music. That’s irony.

At the end of the night the goalie stood victorious, getting congratulatory pats on the head from his teammates like he was a good small dog. It was a great time for Bruins fans.

Except that guy was not a Bruin. He was a Sharks.

Do you see my point?

Instead of it being the Bruins who were trouncing the Perdators, it was the Sharks. And it was because the Bruins gave them the franchises goalie for a lousy pick.

Lots are thinking it but I guess I have to be the one with the GRIT to say it:

The Bruins shuld of nevar trade Martan Jones.

There. Now its out there and you can all breath easier.

Look, Don Sweney did a lot of good stuff in the summer, and I’m not talking about hitting the beach down the cape — everyone knows that’s a good decision. Appreciate you, Don.

Sweney got rid of soft, overrated guy Dougie Hamilton, who only skated and scored. Note to HamilDONE: try hitting someone!!!!!

He also made the Bruins better by acquisition Zac Rinaldo for a measly third-round pick. Big deal, third round? My third round pick is usually Boston Lager, because you don’t want to go light too early and it sits nicely in your stomach.

Is Zac Rinaldo worth a Boston Lager? Duh.

Rinaldo helped the Bruins become mean and hard to play against again. Rinaldo was in the minors for the end of the season, and what did the Bruins do? Oh yah they LOST!!!!! Soft.

So while Sweney made some good decisions as you can see, he really messed up when he traded Jones.

Look, it’s obvious who is the better goalie (the one still playing!!!!) but I know you sheeple like stats because you like to hug your calculators like NERDS, so let me lay it in there for you. Get out your thick glasses:

I mean does it get any more clearer??? Obviously if a guy wins more playoff series like that he’s the better goalie. It’s literally mind-blowing that people even argue this point.

But fine, you want some more numbers, geeks? Here u go:

WOW. Maeks you think, hmmmmmmmmmm? Not sure if you know this but the leftist coast has a lot of nice mexican food. Lots of tacos and stuff. Martan Jones probably eats a lot of that because it’s delicious, but how many games has he missed due to bowel weakness????

Meanwhile Tuka Rask has some chicken wings and all of a sudden his tummy hurts and he needs a day off.

Think JONES would have missed an Ottawa game???? Hell no he would have probably literally eaten a taco in the crease and said "sup?"

And I didn’t want to have to say this but I have to say this: Rask is soft. He comes over from Europe where they like to have fancy clothes and drive in Peugots and Saabs and he’s like "oh this is too much work for me."

PLEASE.

Meanwhile, Martan Jones comes down from Canada and probably literally eats moose for dinner because he’s not from a made-up sounding place like Finland. Finland??? What, was Flipperland not available?? lmao

I guess I’ll end this by saying "your welcome." I know you’ve all been thinking the same thing and I’m glad I had to be the one to educate all the DUMMIES.

Stay tuned for next week’s column: Why Reilly Smith could literally beat up anyone on the current soft Bruins.