On Friday night, a buddy and I went clubbing in Boston. We were dressed in our fanciest denims, our nicest Boston Red Sox snapbacks and shoes that people would look at and go "wow, those are very nice shoes. Those two men are definitely popular."
Everything seemed to be going our way until our Uber driver, McKendrick Dinkerton IV, drove his car into the Boston Harbor in an act of protest against the construction of the Berlin Wall. As his Honda Accord plummeted toward the water, I began to grow concerned that I may have left the iron plugged in back at home. The whole situation was quite distressing.
As we swam to shore-- to a roaring applause from bystanders who were waiting in line at Whiskey Priest, might I add -- I explained to McKendrick that the Berlin Wall had been torn down long ago, and that Germany had reunified into one nation. McKendrick was very pleased by this news and called an Uber to give him a lift home. This is probably the first time in modern history an Uber driver had to give another Uber driver an Uber ride home.
McKendrick was given a two star rating, mainly because his car did not have auxiliary cable and because also he drove his car into the Boston Harbor.
Crunchin' The Ol' Kalkulator:
The Bruins best defenseman in terms of preventing even strength high-danger scoring chances? None other than the newly resigned Kevan Miller.
According to war-on-ice, not only did Kevan have the highest HDSC plus/minus, but his 9.7 high-danger scoring chances against per 60 was tops on the club as well. Miller's HDSCA/60 slotted him 39th among defensemen with over 200 minutes played, just one spot below Minnesota Wild d-man Jared Spurgeon.
Zdeno Chara isn't as much of a bum as many think he is. Chara's 49.3 FF% may have been the lowest mark of his career since the data became available during the 2007-2008 season, but his 31.75 dFenwick was higher than his 2008-2009 mark of 26.99. Not to mention, his dFenwick/60 in 2015-2016 (2.6) ranked higher than those posted in the 2007-2008, 2008-2009 and 2012-2013 seasons. This isn't to say he hasn't lost a stop, which at 39-years-old he definitely has. His norris-caliber days are behind him. Though, reducing his minutes may lead higher quality production. Last year, 38, Chara played more 5v5 TOI per game (18.1) than his former teammate Johnny Boychuk (17.3), and just a tick under Shea Weber's (18.4). Chara's 2015-2016 penalty killing TOI/GM matched a career high (3.6). Ranking his career 5v5+PK TOI/GM, 2015-2016 was the second highest total (21.7) of Chara's career, and equalling his ice time from the 2010-2011 season.
Tuukka Rask allowed 36 powerplay goals in 2015-2016, 15 of which were allowed during the seasons first 16 games. Not a good look by the Bruins penalty kill, though they did rebound to finish 11th in the NHL, killing off 82.2% of their 270 penalty kills.
Two Thumbs Down Dummy of the Week:
This jabroni in the penguins jersey who got all sad after Jonas Donskoi's overtime winner. Way to root for the wrong team on this particular night, bozo.
Graphs & Charts & Stuff:
Dennis Seidenberg is no longer very good. In fact, he is so bad that his possession statistics don't even appear on the above HERO chart. The Bruins would be better off asking a lawn mower to go out there and play defense.
eBay Deals We're Loving:
You can buy a Marco Sturm card from his days playing in Germany's DEL for the high price of $12 plus a $3 shipping charge. I personally would not pay $15 for this card, but you may not be as cheap as I am. Or perhaps you just won the Powerball.
Not a fan of hockey cards? Fine. Here's a broken toaster for $13.
Saying Goodbye Is The Hardest Part: