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Expansion Draft: A reason why Vegas might select each Bruin

Why should Colin Miller get all the hype?!

Washington Capitals v Boston Bruins Photo by Maddie Meyer/Getty Images

For Bruins fans, the NHL Expansion Draft hasn’t had a ton of drama.

Sure, who Vegas is taking is still up in the air, but the main questions have been the same: Is Vegas going to take Colin Miller? Can the Bruins convince Vegas to take Matt Beleskey?

But what about the other guys on the list? The Bruins have plenty of players exposed. Surely Vegas must be investigating each one of them, right?

With that in mind, let’s take a look at why Vegas might select each player on the Bruins’ unprotected list:

Linus Arnesson - Defenseman

  • A marketer’s dream! Vegas will need to draw people in after the excitement of the first few games dies down, so they’ll probably be doing some giveaways. What could be better than a Linus Blankie Giveaway (K)Night? Throw his name and number on a blanket and you’ll be Golden!

Matt Beleskey - Forward

  • The powerful Slot Machine Lobby bribes Vegas to take the power forward! Why? They’re tired of their machines being known as the least productive things in Vegas, and wanted something to take the heat off.

Tommy Cross - Defenseman

  • Vegas is going to need some depth defensemen; every player can’t be a starter. Cross could fill that role, and could make some money on the side by partnering with Criss Angel for “Criss Cross,” a magic show set to 90s hip-hop.

Jimmy Hayes - Forward

  • With the team paying him $2.3 million for five points a season, $30 hot dogs and $45 beers will look like a bargain in comparison.

Alexander Khokhlachev - Forward

  • Much like that hot streak you know is “just one roll away” at the craps table, he’ll never actually show up.

Anton Khudobin - Goalie

  • You’re playing blackjack, and you lose five or six hands in a row. You win the seventh, and can feel your luck changing — then you lose six more. It’s like that, in goalie form!

Adam McQuaid - Defenseman

  • Call him The Slogan: what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas...because it just crashed into the boards and is day-to-day again.

Colin Miller - Defenseman

  • Underrated, often overlooked and a great shot — a defenseman or a local off-Strip watering hole?

Joe Morrow - Defenseman

  • Ah, whoops. George McPhee isn’t great with smartphones, and his misspelling of “Moller” autocorrected to “Morrow.”

Tim Schaller - Forward

  • Struggling to draw tourists from New Hampshire to the city, the mayor of Las Vegas asks McPhee to take Schaller. Everyone in New Hampshire comes to see him play because his cousin’s friend’s uncle’s plow driver’s teacher’s son played with him in Pee Wees.

Malcolm Subban - Goalie

  • Playing the long game, the Knights take Subban to eventually lure PK to the desert to play with his brother. The move backfires when PK leaves hockey to become the greatest entertainer in the city, much to the consternation of Mike Milbury.