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Party like it’s 2013: The Bruins should sign Jaromir Jagr

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LET’S GET NUTS

2013 NHL Stanley Cup Final - Game Four

Alright, maybe it doesn’t make a ton of sense. Jaromir Jagr is 45 years old. He’s having trouble finding work in the NHL.

He’s lost a step or two. He wouldn’t be a great fit for a team that’s looking to slot in some young players.

But come on: it would be fun.

Jagr played all 82 games last season for the Florida Panthers. He managed to score 16 goals and 46 points for a bad Panthers team.

He was a decent possession player last season too, coming in at 55.4% CF% at even strength.

Jagr would like be available for very short money, as he hasn’t found many teams knocking down his door at this point. He obviously still thinks he can play, and his performance last season would seem to lend credit to that thought.

So...why would the Bruins bother?

Because it’s August, and speculation is fun!

It’s true that it’s a little hard to think of a reason why the Bruins should add a 45-year-old wing to their roster. They’re trying to go younger, adding guys like Jake DeBrusk, Anders Bjork and Jesse Gabrielle to their forward corps.

If that’s the case, there’s little reason for them to “go old.”

However, Jagr has said he’s willing to take a lesser role, and could be an effective player on the second or third line.

There are two real places where Jagr could fit:

  • On the Patrice Bergeron/Brad Marchand line, reuniting the trio from the 2013 season. Jagr would play right wing, bumping David Backes elsewhere. In terms of physicality, it’d be a downgrade; however, in terms of skill, it’d be an upgrade. Jagr remains a horse along the wall, great for the puck possession game played by the other two. Ah, nostalgia...
  • On David Krejci’s line, playing his off wing. Jagr is a left shot who has played right wing most of his career, but has had some stints on the left. Put Jagr on Krejci’s left and David Pastrnak on his right. A true Czeching line. Krejci loved Jagr as a kid, Pastrnak loved Krejci as a kid, and Jagr loves Jagr. It’s perfect.

Come on, tell me you wouldn’t like to dust off that #68 shirsey and find that curly black wig. Plus, it would mean the Traveling Jagrs would be back!

Yes, he’s slow. It’s true. But David Backes is also slow, so maybe the Bruins should just give Jagr $6 million and call it a day.

Look at how happy Patrice Bergeron is in the photo atop this post. Look at it! Don’t you want Patrice Bergeron to be happy? Of course you do.

More of this!

Obviously, this is a pipe dream and doesn’t make a ton of sense. I did have a Black Cherry Narragansett tonight, and they haven’t made that beer in about two years...uh oh.

But still: it’d be awesome. Not logical. Not terribly forward-thinking.

But awesome.

Give us the Czeching Line we deserve, Don.

(And for the love of God, sign Pastrnak already.)