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HIGHLIGHTS: Bruins steamroll Penguins, 8-4

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It was quite a night at the Garden.

NHL: Pittsburgh Penguins at Boston Bruins Bob DeChiara-USA TODAY Sports

Uhh...is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Are we human or are we dancers?

Is anyone else still trying to process what exactly it was that we just witnessed?

12 — almost 13 — goals. 64 shots on goal. David Krejci’s fourth career hat trick. Brian Gionta and Nick Holden’s first games as Bruins AND first points. Three power play goals after the Bruins’ power play had gone 0-18 in its past six games. Insanely bad goaltending at times. Zdeno Chara letting the people know that nobody lets Charlie McAvoy bleed his own blood. Everyone vs. everyone.

Am I forgetting anything?

Oh, two hard-fought points for the Bruins against the back-to-back Cup champs.

“Interesting, to say the least,” Bruce Cassidy quipped postgame.

Very, very interesting. Let’s just stop talking and at least attempt to break it all down together.

When the Penguins struck first 35 seconds in, you might’ve worried -- they were 28-7-3 when scoring first, after-all.

It turned out David Krejci missed playing alongside a bigger guy so much that you would only worry for about a minute, as he crashed the net and put home a Rick Nash feed just over a minute later to even things at 1-1.

It’s safe to say David Pastrnak is officially over his slump. His 23rd of the year was next, for the 2-1 lead:

The Rick Nash acquisition has been looking better and better by the shift. 3-1 Bruins off five total shots:

That’s when Tristan Jarry relieved Casey DeSmith in net which...didn’t really fix anything. It seemed like it might’ve, though, when Phil Kessel brought the Penguins within one right after:

Nah. David Backes snipe. 4-2 Bruins:

(That was also Brian Gionta’s first point as a Bruin, and also where you started to fear if you blinked you’d miss 14 things.)

Next up, Torey Krug ripped one from the point. 5-2:

Riley Sheahan tried to play some soccer and kick the puck in (pretty much the most obvious no goal in our uncertain times).

Then he decided to make it count with 2.2 seconds left in the first. Yep, this is still the first. Because Bruins-Penguins:

Lost in all that scoring, though, might’ve been the biggest moment of the game. When Patric Hornqvist nailed McAvoy in the head, Chara was sent into the type of rage that could only be quelled by petting SEVERAL pigeons. McAvoy’s nose bloodied, there was no penalty, and captain Zee was simply not going to let the Penguins get away with that.

“It was obviously important for us not to back down or show weakness,” Chara said of his mentality. “I thought it was the right timing for us to play that way. These things happen.”

First, Chara would let the Bruins run up the score a bit. Krejci opened up scoring 2:16 into the second on the power play (again), and Nick Holden’s assist was his first point as a Bruin. All. The. Things. 6-3 Bruins.

The real fun started when 20-year-old McAvoy got his payback on Hornqvist:

Two of the biggest men in the history of the NHL went at it:

THEN A KREJCI HAT TRICK. SERIOUSLY?!

8-3 had to be gorgeous, right?

That was the end...of the second period.

The Penguins’ comeback rally opened up the third and lasted one goal. It was Maatta’s second — a double deflection that beat Rask’s blocker:

Then came the first “we want the cup” chants of the season. And that was the day the Pittsburgh Penguins never messed with Charlie McAvoy again...